You might pick up on how slow I am on the uptake after I tell you this.
Yesterday I recalled a conversation a small group of us had at work, oh, about five years ago. We were standing together about three, four or five us. Lamenting about weight. Gaining weight. Not being able to lose weight.
For the purpose of this story my history with weight has fluctuated through out my life. Always on the heavy side. But I have been much heavier than I am now. And I have been much smaller. Recently I have put on thirteen pounds in a six week period. To me that is a lot. I work out twice a day. I try to be careful eating. I say ‘no’ to my self a lot about things I want to eat. Not always. But a lot. I suspect the recent weight gain may have to do with a short stint of steroid medication I had to take for an inner ear thing.
I also suspect that my recent concern over the rapid weight gain is what brought the five year old conversation to the forefront of my thoughts yesterday.
The conversation included a wonderful and wise friend who I will call Willow. For no other reason than I like the name Willow. Her real name is not Willow. After many minutes of a few of us lamenting about weight I made another comment complaining about not being able to lose weight.
Willow: “Colleen you would lose weight on chemo”.
Colleen: Remains silent. Looks puzzled while I am thinking chemo? Why chemo? You can’t take chemo? Can you? Wow. No. I looked at her and five years later I suspect she thought I was contemplating : can I really get chemo to lose weight?
Willow: ”Colleen you don’t want chemo”.
I’m not sure what I said to her. If anything. It was an odd conversation in that I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to think.
Yesterday this conversation ballooned in to my thoughts and sat there.
Oh.
I think, after five years, I get it.
Willow was very simply pointing a few things out to me. If I was on chemo I would probably be wishing I could eat. I would likely be wishing I wasn’t losing so much weight. I might be a little embarrassed about all of the healthy times in my life I worried about my weight when I was still healthy enough to live a fulfilling life.
I might wish, if I was on chemo, that I only had the problems I had before I started having to live with chemo.
I couldn’t get this conversation from five years ago out of my head. I shared it with another friend who said “Willow is so wise”.
She is.
And perspective is a valuable gift.
If you really can’t pin a reason on why the recent weight gain, you may wish to consider inquiring with your doctor. Something seems odd if you ask me…but that is not why you shared your thoughts. It’s just my perspective.
I always appreciate and enjoy your perspective Koji. Trust me, my poor doctor has heard….. I blame him for the steroid.
But I can’t see how the steroid could have affected you in that degree…
I have refused for over 15 years to take any steroid when my doctor wanted me to take it because when I was very very heavy it had a horrible side effect of weight and/or appetite increase. This time I felt I had to do it. Nothing else was working. I was miserable for the last five days of being on it, and for the first week of being off of it. it was horrible. I do think it played a part in it.
Wow… Sorry to read about that…
No worries Koji. I knew going in it would likely happen. But it still surprised me!
The chocolate and the other snacks I brought home had nothing to do with it.
No, they didn’t.
a powerful message in a short sentence. i hope Willow wasn’t going through it.
Ahaha , your Hubby is funny!
No, she wasn’t. But she was acutely aware of what I was complaining about while I was not paying attention to what I had. My other friend was right about Willow and her wisdom.
Yes,she is wise and it sounds like she has an amazing perspective on life. I’m chewing on her words too as I battle bdd.
Mmm. that is a fine perspective, I love when one plus one equals two !! and just saying…. loosing weight is hard, I have been trying to burn twice the calorie intake, I notice without carbs, energy level can decreases… and other know hows… its alot of work !!
It is a lot of work. I have tried to remind myself it’s not about vanity, it’s about health. This recent fast course to weight gain has put a lot of pressure on injured knees and I know I need to get rid of it. Low energy does make it more difficult!!! We will get there, one ounce at a time!!!!
Definitely a lot of weight gain from steroids. You want to graze all day and eat everything that is not nailed down.
Amen.
Chemo and … eating isn’t the best of combinations – but as an old sailor I know that the best cure for seasickness .. is to eat. So I was eating all the time .. *smile – of course I lost weight too – because there was things I couldn’t eat because it tasted metal or chemical – like my ice cream and cheese. Understand your friends point – we should be happy that we are able to eat and able to keep the food. We don’t need tubs to be feed ..
It does make a difference when we look at things with a different view. I do need to be very grateful for how I “am”. And what I have. Food. Health. And very small issues.
Colleen, your wise as an old owl. *smile
Ahhhhh….Great! Great! Great! I was thinking the same thing as you when “Willow” made her comment! Thanks for delivering that message! It takes me five years for things to really make sense to me…I really need someone to spell it out for me! My mouth is sore from a root canal yesterday….now I won’t feel bad about going and eating that quart of ice cream. What? That wasn’t exactly what you were saying…okay…I’ll just have a largish bowl!
Oh no, I think you heard me very well!
ENJOY that ice cream! 