So it’s 2010. Some of you may know what this means to me. USE to mean to me. It’s one of those years.
Since 1998 it has been my sole duty to be injured or otherwise hurt every even numbered year. In 2008 I resigned this position. Do you understand this? I R-E-S-I-G-N-E-D. Gave notice. Quit that position. I personally would prefer it stay vacant and not be filled by anyone.
So here is notice for all animals, persons and/or vehicles of any kind laying in wait ahead of me in 2010 on the bike trail. BACK OFF. I will not stand for, sit for, ride for or tolerate any injury of any kind. NONE. I will ride my bike. Joyfully. Gleefully. Happily. And without reservation. Because you have been forewarned. Do not attempt to injure me or even give me start. As some of you little four legged evil barkers did last year. Yeah, I still know where each of you chased me or even worse, startled the cuss out of me by surprising me with your humorless attempt at giving me a heart attack whilst I peddled harmlessly down the road. Snake, you should not have been where you were when I ran over you last year. Totally your fault.
Illness, disease or other attempts to lay me low will equally not be tolerated. Do not even think for one moment that you will be given shelter in my body. It has been deemed OFF LIMITS to all germs, bacteria, virus,evil cells of any kind or other physical ailment that I do not know the medical term for. As there is a chance that relatives I respect greatly may be reading this, I will not say the all powerful “don’t you know what with me”. But the message is there. Is it not?
Any injury or illness attempting to mess with me from here on out will be dealt with unkindly. I will not give you a fighting chance.
I will do my martial arts to the best of my ability. You will not lessen that ability further. Do you hear me? I said DO YOU HEAR ME?
My life. My body. My fun. My work. My health. Mine.
Leave me be.
Damnit. I mean it.