I like to think in backwards and forwards motion. I love thinking of history. As it relates to me and my life. And history way prior to my life. I like to think of the future. As it relates to me and my life. And the future way beyond my life. I continually imagine all history of my family. All of the lives lived and experiences spent getting to me. Right here. Right now. And I love thinking that in the far away future there will be a child of a child of a child of a child of a child of mine thinking about all those before her/him. And that might include me.
And right this very minute I am thinking of that far away child, thinking of me. HEY! Child in the future!!! I lived a great life! And right now it is 4:28 p.m. on February 27, 2010. I’m thinking about YOU, and hope that you are thinking about ME! Which, if you are reading this, than you probably are. How cool is this? I’m sitting in my house wondering what kind of world you will have. I hope we didn’t screw it up too much. I hope we stopped ourselves from being totally selfish about what is here, and saved some of it for you.
Anyway, I digressed there for a minute.
So if I am thinking forward one minute, you can bet I am at some point thinking of those before me. Did they think of time past them? Did they wonder where their family line would go? What their children’s children’s children would see and do. And would we think about them?
I know this is a recurring theme for me, but the reason I am thinking on this again is because of Grace O’Malley and a piece of paper I came across earlier today that I found in my dad cabinet.
The sketching we did of our hands is not that long ago. But it marks a moment when she sat on my lap and she was small enough to sit there. We traced our hands and for that moment mine was bigger. Her’s was little and unsure. In the future this will likely turn around some. She will become the stronger and more sure. Some might think that thinking backward and forward might take me out of the loop of living today. To me it has the opposite effect. In being so aware and curious about what was, and being so curious about what will be: I live fully hoping that someone from before wondered what life would be like now. And I hope someone in the future is curious about what was. That I live so as not to let them, or myself, down. I was so aware of her littleness at that moment, and my largeness and the security I was to her for that moment. I was so in that moment with her. This is a moment of us. It was a present for the future. And for her past.