I see depression in faces looking back at me. I hear it in voices sobbing to me. I feel it in hearts breaking around me.
It hurts when someone you love suffers from this.
It amazes me still that people don’t understand the difference between “being depressed” and “having depression”. Maybe that is me forgetting that not everyone works in a field that educates you by experience. People need to know; there is a huge difference.
And even knowing what I know I still sometimes want to scream, thinking my screaming has the power to fix. I want to scream:
DON’T LET GO!
IT WILL GET BETTER!
YOU ARE LOVED!
YOU ARE SPECIAL!
YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!
I must have an ego the size of, well, an ego. I think I can talk someone in to feeling better. I think I can love them in to feeling better. I think I can fix something that I know I can not fix. Yes, I see the irony of that statement. Or oxymoron. Which ever it is. I need to put my ego aside. I need to breathe deep. I can not fix depression. But depression can be treated. It is not something you have “control” over. It is as much a physical problem as a broken bone or a heart attack. There’s no shame. But there is ignorance. If you think living with, or dealing with, or working with someone who has depression is difficult….
Imagine how it feels to them.
Take a minute and feel it from where they do. Imagine a day where you want to feel good. But you can’t. Where you want to “be like every one else”. But you can’t. No one wants depression. No one chooses depression. I’m not an expert by any means so I don’t want to and shouldn’t try to explain anything technical. I couldn’t even if I tried.
But I do know it is real. It is horrible. It hurts.
And even though I can’t fix anything I can recognize the problem. Acknowledge it. Not hide from it. Try my best to understand it. And in my thoughts and in my heart I know that “there but for the grace of God go I”. And from the pain of others my own heart aches. Knowing I can’t fix it. But wanting to. Desperately wanting to make it better for you.