I Wish To Always Be Grateful

I start too many sentences with “I wish…”

I wish I didn’t do that.

That seemed redundant didn’t it?  I catch myself during the day wishing I could be at home doing something I want to do, instead of something I have to do.  Then I regret that thought because there are so many who want a job.  The guilt starts to wash over me and I remember that I have a home because I do work.  I can do things when I am not working, that I want to do, because I am working.  I can buy things I want, for the most part, because I do work.  It’s not that I don’t want to work.  I don’t mind work. I think, maybe, I mind that work isn’t always something I can control, or direct, or even feel good about.  I suppose most people have days like that at work.  I’m not miserable with my work, though sometimes it’s not altogether pleasant.  I see some pretty unpleasant and/or sad things.  And I can handle that stuff pretty well.  Maybe the thing about my work is that I work because others are not taken care of, or are hurt, or abused, or are hungry.   Maybe I would feel better if there wasn’t a need for my work.

That’s a little off the subject.   I wanted to talk about wishing. I am very careful not to say “I wish it was Friday” when it is 6:02 a.m. on Monday.  I don’t mind Monday mornings.  Or any morning.  I don’t want to wish my life away.  But when I catch myself wishing some things in my life were  somehow different I then get this overwhelming sense of guilt and shame.  For everything that I wish was different, someone else would wish they were where I am.   I try to be aware of that.  No matter where I am, someone else is in a worse place.   And they would be happy to trade places with me.  No matter what I am doing, someone else is doing something much worse.  No matter what I wish I had, others are wishing for the basics in life to survive.  There is so much to be grateful for, even when times are difficult, that I want to always be aware of the gifts in my life.  I don’t want to take this life and what I have for granted.  Ever.

Even when I make a simple  little wish in passing  to be home reading a book on a rainy day instead of being at work.   Which is what started me thinking about this today.