I keep wondering what I am suppose to do with my life. For my life to have meaning I must be meant to do something great. Do others wonder this? Is there this unknown passion in others? I try to tell myself that I do not have to do great things for my life to matter. But that what ever I do I must do greatly.
That’s easier to do. No, that’s not what I mean. I think I mean that is easier to comprehend or absorb. To make a part of life that I can strive for. I don’t think true ‘greatness’ is something that you strive for. That seems kind of conceited. I think of greatness as something that happens as a result of unselfishness, stepping up to the plate, reactionary or proactionary (it’s a word now) behavior or actions. I can’t plan to be great. But I can work very hard at achieving, role modeling by behavior not lecturing or demanding.
I don’t know why I worry, or contemplate about these things. But I do. My dad use to always tell us when we go some place to leave it better than before we got there. We would go to the National Forrest and when we left he would have us pick up other people’s trash. Make it better. Clean up around you a little and leave your world better for you having been there. Maybe that’s what I am trying to do. I hope that doesn’t sound conceited of me, thinking that me being here would make the world a better place. I don’t mean it like that. My being here, my presence here, does nothing to better anything. It’s my actions while I’m here that make a difference. I hope. Even if it is just picking up some trash that someone else left in a park. That matters. It’s not an act of greatness for sure. But it is an action that helps better that little part of my world.
I still don’t know what I’m suppose to be doing. I do feel like I’m missing something I’m suppose to be doing. Maybe I need to stop worrying about being great at something and focus on doing things with greatness. I’ll try.