Be Still My Heart

For I am going through a life time of memories, and giving them away.

Due to the upcoming   downsizing of the Colleen and David household we are thinning out our lives.  And this means lots o’ stuff has to go.  Some stuff I don’t mind.  I like the living simple concept.   But there are some things that will be more difficult to get rid of, sell, or give away than other things.

Clothes I haven’t worn in ten years, okay, I can let them go.  (Surely people will want to buy things that someone without style bought ten years ago.)

Furniture that is piling up in the basement from new furniture being purchased and me not getting rid of the old.  I’m not a pack rat I just don’t want to “throw it away” and nobody else wanted it.  Now there are people who can use it.  So that work’s out just fine.

Other house gathered paraphernalia that I had to have, just to find out I really didn’t need it.

But then there are…. books.

Hundreds of them.  Likely pushing a couple of thousand between all of the rooms in the house.  Stacked.  Rows.  Piles.  I have to let them go.  Don’t get me wrong they are in neat stacks, rows and piles on shelves built all through the house.  Special built, just for the books.   There is no way the new house will hold, house, or store  all of these books.  No.  Way.

Tonight I said good bye to some books.  Someone I trust has started the process of thinning out the books.  By trust I mean she will read them, will not trash them, or disrespect them, or anything negative them.  She’s only taking the ones she wants to read (and the ones I am making her read).  I am keeping the history, the biographies, and some others.  While going through the books it brought back many memories.

How years ago I went through the books of a destroyed bookstore with the permission to take whatever I wanted.  And I did.  Though the proprietor made sure I did not take anything inappropriate for my young teenage age.  Though somehow some found their way in to the bags of books I was given.  Some books were too old for me, but they knew I would grow in to them.  One book I really did not know I had was the dirtiest book I have ever read.  Yes I read the whole thing.  I still shudder when I think about it. Not that I remember it.  Just the concept of it.  Really.

One difficult memory was helping friends pack up their house after their parents were tragically killed.  Leaving this very young group of siblings to go through their  home and pack up what had been their family home, and surely it felt like packing up some part of their parents.  They had me go through the books they didn’t want.  I still have those books and am keeping them.

Other memories include books my oldest brother gave me.  Long before anyone else figured it out he was giving me books as gifts.  I treasure those books because I treasure him.

There were books that I picked up today that reminded me of different parts of my life, grade school, high school, when my children were babies, when my children started reading “chapter books”. College days.   I have memories of rainy days and hot cups of tea.  Waiting for the kids to come home from school and get a snack.  Relaxing after putting the kids to bed, saying their prayers and needing to be peaceful.

So, anyway,  today  I gave some memories away.  It has to be done.   It was easier than I thought.  Maybe because I enjoyed the thought of someone else loving books as much as me.  Well, I don’t think that is really possible.  But I did enjoy going through them, remembering reading them, getting excited about telling her to read THIS one.

So my heart is still.  It’s all good.

2 thoughts on “Be Still My Heart

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