What do you tell your child when she is going to get married?
Congratulations just does not seem like enough.
I’m afraid to say much because I don’t want to be preachy. But I have learned a few things and I know telling her about them won’t teach her. These things I have learned she will also have to learn. My experiences and lessons won’t be absorbed by her. Face it, if we all learned from our parents lessons wouldn’t we all be perfect by now? Exactly. But I can still share them with her.
Because I love you I want you to know it won’t all be easy but it will be oh so worth it to love someone.
And what I learned isn’t about how to make things easier or effortless. I learned things about myself that shamed me, and other things that pleasantly surprised me as well.
The hardest thing I had to learn was that my “mad” is never, ever, as important as that other person. No matter how angry I am, or was, it does not give me the right to hurt someone I love. Or belittle them. Or anything negative them. I certainly have the right to be angry. And I have the right to express it, explain it, but not inflict it. It took me a while to learn that. It makes a world of difference between two people when you make sure to put your love in front of your anger.
And if you are angry about something, just say what it is. Don’t make the other guess. That’s not fair to expect someone else to interpret your perspective on life.
Another lesson, I’m not always right, he’s not always wrong. And most fights or disagreements stem from two people not listening to each other’s thoughts and opinions. Just because we do not agree does not mean one of us is wrong. I will listen to what he thinks, but I want him to listen to me. And just because I do not agree does not mean I am saying he is wrong. And I am not saying I am right. There are just so many different ways to see things.
Some lessons come easy. Or should. Work is both inside the home, and out. One job is not more important than another. Bills need paid, laundry needs done, groceries need purchased, trash needs taken out, toilets need scrubbed. They all matter. No one’s job outside of the home is more important than what needs done inside the home.
Don’t keep secrets.
Don’t tell someone else his secrets.
Share something funny with him every day. Hearing him laugh with you every day is a great way to spend a lifetime together.
Let each other be tired.
You’ll find out that no matter what you plan life may have other plans in store for you. When life takes a swing at you, yell “duck”!
Share your dreams no matter how out of reach they seem. They can happen. And even the talking about them can be a great way to spend time with one another.
Let him know what makes you happy, and what does not. And make sure he tells you the same.
Pay attention to happy people.
Talk to each other about your values. Share values.
Make your home your refuge. Your comfort zone. Your happy place.
Make him your favorite. And you be his.
You will grow and change. He will grow and change. Make sure you grow with one another. You will not be the same person in one year, five years, ten years. And that’s a good thing as long as you are growing together.
Love him like you want to be loved.
Be your happiest with him.
And no matter how much I want to guide you and make your married life wonderful. I can’t. It is between you and he. Only you and he. You can include others in your lives. You need others in your lives. But your marriage and your life with him, is between the two of you.
God bless you. God love you. I love you. Take care of him. He better take care of you. I will be watching silently and respectfully from a distance. But I am always there.
And there is one thing I want to tell him. I loved you in to being. He needs to love you forever. He needs to try, for the rest of his life, to love you more than I do. And it will take him a life time of marriage to prove it.
Forever. And ever. Amen.