I was 22 when I had my first baby. A daughter. And she was pure happiness. I nearly turned in to a hermit when she was born. I didn’t want to go anywhere. I loved being home with her. Her face was full of love and happy every time I looked at her. She smiled early and she smiled a lot.
But some of my best memories were at night. When she slept.
Often was the night when I couldn’t put her down. And I didn’t. I would sit on the couch and hold her, finally laying her in my Indian crossed legs, using my legs as a cradle. I didn’t want to put her in another room or be far away from her. I loved nights when I had every thing done. The lights were off but for the glow of the tv, or the one lamp right by my seat so I could read. And there she would lie, in my cradled legs. Or over my shoulder.
Many were the nights when I would turn on the radio or play some tapes. And more than likely I ended any song sessions by holding her perfectly fat little baby cheek to my nose so I could smell that baby goodness and I would sing softly in her little ear. “You are so beautiful to me…..you’re everything I wished for….everything I need”. It was a perfect song to sing to her. She brought me the happiness in the song and made the song full and meaningful.
Those softly dark nights. Singing to her. Holding her. Dancing with her. Those were the nights where I was a star with the perfect audience. No one could have sang better, moved better, been more in tune with their audience than me. No one. Those nights are the best nights of my life.
To be repeated only one other time in my life. Five years later. When my second daughter took her own little place on my shoulder, in my cradled legs, in my heart. Her song was “You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…..please don’t take my sunshine away”.
There was no place I wanted to be other than with them. Holding them. Loving them. Protecting them.
Those nights of dancing and singing with those babies. They make my heart hum with the remembering of it. Sometimes I can catch a glimpse of it. Snag that feeling from what seems like so long ago but was really only a moment ago.
Some things are given to us for more reasons than just that moment. Some moments are meant to last a life time.