I Have To Try

There’s something I want to do.

I don’t know why I want to do it.  I just do.  Maybe because it’s not easy to do.  Maybe because it is something I will have to work at.  And I can’t even guarantee myself that I can do it.   Others have done it.  But I haven’t.  And even though there are others who have done it, that doesn’t mean that I can.  And even though others have done it, it is still an incredible feat.

No one else I know has voiced a desire to do this.  To work for it.  Or want it.

There is not much of a ‘reward’ in doing it.  Nothing tangible I can explain to you.  Or to myself for that matter.

But thinking about it, knowing it is difficult and still contemplating it, well there’s some reward in that.  Giving myself the freedom to consider something.  Knowing I have that choice.  There is reward in that.   Working towards that goal, knowing the work I put in now has value to me even if the goal at the end changes.  There’s reward in that.   Having the opportunity to do it, if I want, a great reward.  Having the physical ability to do this, there is great reward and gratitude in this.

Everything I think about, and do, in preparation and contemplation of this is reward its self.

I want to do this.  Yet I fear failing.   But I think I fear most spending the rest of my life thinking….. why didn’t I try?

I have to try.