I Don’t Want What I Want

I have a conundrum.   Wait, or do I mean I am in a conundrum?   I’m not sure but please read the first statement and following question and pick the appropriate wording and let’s move on.

I want so badly to complain.

But I don’t want to complain.

I am feeling so incredibly frustrated right now.  Because I am powerless to fix the problems being presented to me.  I am angry because of bureaucratic crap (I just like the simplicity of the word crap, it seems to fit so well with bureaucratic).  It seems that in life the regular folks like myself who go to work, pay their bills and have no huge designs on world power get taken advantage of at every possible turn.

So, here I sit, frustrated.   Angry.  And the only thing I can do is cuss.   And who pays the price of that?  Poor Husband.   Yes, please feel free to note any and all sympathy for him to this blog.   I will make sure he gets it.

Back to my wanting, but not wanting to, complain.

What do I really have to complain about?  My frustration?   Feeling angry?  Feeling stressed?   Is that reason enough to complain?    The problem is…. I feel that the things I am angry and stressed about are not valid when it comes to things others are having to deal with.   Put in perspective with earthquakes, tsunamis, tornadoes, sickness…..I got nothing.   Nothing to complain about.

But knowing this does not seem to stop me from cussing.

I’m now feeling guilty about wanting to complain.  So I don’t want to complain.  Which means I don’t want what I want.   Which is the conundrum I am either having or in.

Ah my twisted and convoluted thought processes.