Why do I do what I do? Why do I feel a need to do physical things I have not done before? What is my obsession with physically achieving? Why do I keep pushing my achy and groaning body to do more of what it usually doesn’t want to do?
Some of my physical goals are difficult to explain to others. It’s not that people think they are ridiculous. Maybe they do think that, but they don’t tell me that. But they do ask me why.
I think the easiest way to explain it is that when I have these goals, these dreams-if you will-when I achieve the goal: I cross the finish line. For real. In my head.
One of my longest held-physical-goal-dream is to ride 200 miles on my bicycle in one day. Why? The dream started with a license plate. I swear. I was on a bike ride. And as is apt to happen, I came across a bike shop. Parked in front of the bike shop was a car. On the car was a license plate. It said “200MILES”. I immediately understood that to mean that driver of that car rode his bike 200 miles. In one day. You may question my rationale if you like, but I happen to know it to be true.
Since then I have been consumed with doing just that. And I have my license plate picked out: “200N24HR”. That is my finish line. I envision it. A LOT.
Remember, I did not create me. I am just doing the best I can with who I was created to be. Keep that in mind when you roll your eyes.
The most I’ve done is 126.2 miles in one day.
No, that is not enough.
Why? Because the finish line in my head is looking at the odometer on my bike, seeing it turn to 200. Feeling that glorious rush of adrenaline that will likely be needed just to stop and get off of the bike. I see it. I see it so clearly. Like it’s just waiting for me to do it so it can be set free. It can be done.
The finish line is not going to be lined with adoring crowds. Or media. Or a trophy. But that moment is going to be so incredibly powerful within me. How do I explain to you the power of that moment? I don’t, go get your own.
Because for all of the times in my life I said I can not do this, I owe it to me to cross the finish line of every goal I can.
Martial arts? Lets get totally honest. I was not built to be light and quick and high flying kick snapping brilliance. But,it’s what was available, it’s what was there. And I fell in love with the discipline. The learning. The chance I was given. I pictured the board breaks and brick breaks for years. Years I tell you! My drives to and from work were quite animated, and emotional, in my head. When I actually did these things it was like deja vu. I had lived it in my head for so long, that all I had to do, was go get it. And I did. And when I crossed that finish line I completed a part of my life that was just waiting for me.
I knew it was there. I could see it. So clearly.
My 200 mile bike ride? Oh I see it. I see it every day. I am riding. Some moments I am riding like the wind. Other moments I have that incredibly stiff neck and achy shoulder I can’t keep my head up exhaustion. Some of the ride I will be standing on my pedals because no matter how many miles I have my butt on the saddle in preparation prior to that ride, when I sit on it for 200 miles it’s just plain old going to hurt like hell. It would be quite appropriate to say here that it will be a “pain in the ass” but I don’t want to offend anyone so I won’t say that here.
I have so many finish lines to cross. So many goals to attempt. So many dreams to explore. I hope you all kind of know what I’m talking about. Because the party and celebration that goes on in my heart and mind when I accomplish something is the kind of celebration I would hope for everyone to throw themselves. I’ve got parties just lining up in my head, waiting on me to pick them up.
And a secret between you and me….I hope to make my kids proud. Not with the physical achievement. But with the discipline, the perseverance, the love of life. But, that’s another blog. Shhhhhhh.