I just took my last antibiotic of a ten day course.
After day four I noticed a change in my outlook. A darkening of the sky. A furrow in my brow.
By day six and seven I was ready to find a cave and crawl in it. I knew the reason for the sub par mood. I know it was the antibiotic. How do I know this? Because when my vision of the world around me started to dim that fast I knew there was a reason. A cause. And son of a gun when I looked it up, I was right. Grant it, I love being right. I only liked being right in this scenario because it told me there would be an end to it. But I still had a few days to go. And just knowing that every time I took another pill I was adding the depression chemical to my brain chemistry I shuddered.
Days eight and nine were fogged and full of woe and blah.
I do not like depression.
I do not like it at all.
I use to think I understood depression and had sympathy for those who suffer from it. But I now have a new and totally empathetic understanding for those who suffer from depression.
To be quite frank, blunt and childish about it: it sucks.
And I was relieved that this will possibly be short lived. That is the only way I managed to take those pills twice a day. Well, that and I didn’t want that nasty-I-don’t-want-to-explain-it-again-grossness back. In addition to depression, sinus infections also suck.
And then this morning dawned. I nearly did the happy dance this morning when I took the last pill.
I actually felt lighter of spirit all day knowing I did not have to come home and take another dose. Though the chemical effect was still inside of me, I was celebrating all day the end of the depression dosing.
Wouldn’t it be just horrible to not be able to control your mood? Determine your outlook? I shudder at the brief tango I had with this beast. I do not like it. Not at all.