That Moment Is Meant To Be Relived

There are some moments in life that are memorable.  And you know they are going to happen.  You spend a huge part of your life planning for them.   You anticipate them.   You make them happen.

I’ve had a few of those moments.

I cherish them.   Maybe  in a different way than an unexpected, unprepared for, or spontaneous moment.   But I cherish  them.

In addition to this I also have a bit of flair for the dramatic.   I’m always  playing out scenarios and grand moments in my head.  I love emotion and drama.  I don’t mean melodrama.  I mean powerful emotional drama.  And it’s good drama.

I have a moment that I think of often.   And close my eyes to go there.   It’s a comfort moment.   A moment where I stood where I was for many reasons.  The reasons that I wanted to be there fascinate me, intrigue me.   The reasons I think  it incredible start with just the ability to be there.  And when I got there?   I spent many moments with my eyes closed telling my self   I am here now!  And knew I would spend most of my life not being there.  But for that moment.   I was there.

It was a planned trip.   I was going home to where I had never been  but where I had come from.

We arrived on Inishmore to a grand welcoming by family who I had not seen in generations.   My great grandfather left and my uncle was the first of  us to return.   On one of his return trips I was with him.  And there  waited family who never left.  The only thing that separated us was time.  Too much time.  We were treated like long lost family.   We were long lost family.   Perhaps  not so much lost, just placed somewhere else.   We learned more about family.   Our shared family.   The same place and people we all came from.  We didn’t create a bond because the  bond was already there.  We share blood and traits.  And looks.   Genetics sure do keep you connected to people.   What we did was acknowledge what was already there.

One morning we got up early.   Found a place by the  ocean and did a little bit of a workout.   It felt good.  Doing something I enjoy in a place that I miss.   Knowing it was there and wanting to be there and be a part of it is as bad, if not worse, than leaving a place you love.  That morning I got up and did not have to miss this place.  I was there.

We walked and walked.  We found fields of stone.  Flat, solid stones that looked like a huge puzzle with space between each puzzle piece.   It just needs a push to get it all put back together.   The patterns of the drifts between the stone were carvings of beauty by the pressures of the earth, the power of water.  The stones are dark grey.   The sky was grey.   It was beautiful.   Comforting.   It made sense that I had come from there.  Where others would see grey and yearn for color I loved the color grey.   We found a place that wasn’t forbidden by strong grey walls of stone.   We walked and smelled the air.  For those of you not blessed to ever have stepped on Irish soil I feel for you.  Because you don’t know the smell of fresh air until you do.   Unless you’re on another island some where  else.  But then it’s still not Ireland so I still feel sorry for you.

Many times on that walk I told myself I’m here.  Remember this.  Love this.  Breathe. 

I stopped so many times.   For only one reason.   To just be.

I can see the ocean every where I look.  But I can not see where family went from here.  I can’t see America.   I can’t see the forces that took family away or brought them back.  I can’t  imagine why they would leave here.  I can’t imagine leaving all that you know.  Never to see it again and knowing you didn’t even have that option.    What made my Grandfather leave.  And what made the others stay. 

At some point Husband took this picture.  And my own vanity allows me to love this.  My sense of drama is captured here.  I know I stand on my ancestors ground.  They walked here.  They spoke to one another.   They lived.   They had their own sense of drama, or not.  They died here.   Some of us left here to not return until my uncle brought us back.    I feel all of this when I look at this picture.   We planned this trip.  I knew we would be going to Inishmore.  The plan was to meet family.  I knew I wanted to meet them.  I wanted to see them, know them, and yes wanted them to love me.  I hoped desperately to love this place I had thought about for so long.

This moment was planned.  But it was more than a planned moment.  It was everything I hoped for.

But more.

My moment and my emotional drama.   This picture takes me there every single time.

8 thoughts on “That Moment Is Meant To Be Relived

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