What’s A Goal For Anyway?

I usually have a goal or two I am working on.  I usually have at least one goal based in a physical activity.

Always- I have an ongoing bike related goal.  I’ve tried for years to reach it.   This year I was on target!  Between biking on the trainer in the house, and actual road miles, I have wanted to reach 12,000 miles for a calendar year  for quite a few years.  Something always seems to get in the way.   I pedal and I pedal and the miles add up.  But they always fall short of that goal come December 31st.   So come January 1st I always rededicate my discipline towards that one goal.  I never give up on it.   I have always pretty easily accepted when things, like life, happen.   And due to time constraints or trips abroad, or family or friends needing me, I recognize that there are things more important than that goal.

There are some things in life that come up that you just don’t even think twice about.   You live to be living, giving and doing.   And if I need to live, give or do for someone else-thats a good life to be living.   Much better than riding a bike in a back room for hours every day.

This year I am on track.  I needed to have 6,000 miles by June 31st.

I woke up one day and rode my bike before work.   Actually, it was more like an epiphany.     I’ve discovered that 5 a.m. is a great thinking time for me.  Despite what some may think, occasionally I have a thought.  Or two.   It occurred to me that if I spent less time on the bike, I could accomplish other things.

So I made a very difficult, and foreign to me, decision.   I need to ride my bike less.

I have to give up something I love, even though it is a goal, so that I can do something else.

I’m on track to achieve something I have wanted to do for a very long time.   And I’m going to consciously do something that will completely derail my goal.   I could reach this goal, this year, after about 8 years of trying.

As I write this I’m having something akin to anxiety feelings.   I can not believe that I could do it, but I am letting it go.   Grant it I am letting it go to achieve something else.   But I’m feeling nervous, excited, weird…..

How can I walk away from something I wanted for so long?

When I am closer than I have ever been in the yearly plan?

I don’t know.

It could  mean I am growing up.  Maturing, which is nice to know I may be able to mature some after all these years.

Maybe it means it is not as important to me anymore.   I don’t know, I still want to do it, achieve it.

Or it could mean I am purposely sabotaging this goal.   I don’t think that’s it, but I did wonder about it.

Maybe the goal isn’t about the goal its self.  But more about the path you put yourself on when you try to achieve a goal.   Our goals change.   A goal we set out to achieve may not be as important, once we get there, as we had hoped.   Or hopefully we discover along the way lessons about life, or ourselves, are what really matter.  I learned this early on in martial arts.  And I fully believe that.   I just don’t know that I understood it, or absorbed it, until I gave this up.

I’ve had a lot of life lessons.  Big ones, little ones, wrong ones.   When I realized I could give up something I want for something else I am trying to do, or need to do, or have to do – it sort of empowered me.  I think.   Not really sure what this feeling is.   One minute I feel so sure about it.  But sometimes when I look at the numbers on my bike log I think….wow.

But what’s a goal for any way if it isn’t to get you someplace new and uncharted by you?

I am in uncharted territory right now.  And learning every day.  Thank goodness I have all of these goals to work on.