I Did Not Do These Things.

Once, a very long time ago,  I fell asleep during mass.

Or so they told me.  Well, I kind of remember waking up, so I guess I did fall asleep.  But my siblings tried telling me I was “so asleep” even the priest tried to wake me up.  And he could not.

I do not believe them for one minute.

Once, a very long time ago, I fell in to wet cement.

Or so they told me.  I do not recall any of this at all.  According to my family (I see a trend here) I fell face first in to freshly poured and smoothed cement.  Neighbors were putting in a new driveway/basketball court.   Also according to my family, I had cement up my nose, down my throat, coating my eyeballs.   They had to hose me down.

I do not believe them for one minute.

Recently I have had a few family members try to “remind” me of how I use to lie on the floor as a very young child and yell “get me guys get me!”   I’ve had some say it was me yelling at my siblings to attack me…..?   Sure, that sounds plausible.  We all love having our siblings attack us.  Others try to imply I was a bit promiscuous….  Again….not sure how plausible this is.  Promiscuous?   Really?

I do not believe them for one minute.   (By the way, neither should you.)

For the sake of my character I am denying all blasphemous, falling about and promiscuous accusations.

I will, however, tell all tales of my siblings wayward behaviors.

I happen to remember all of those.

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