In Front Of His Mirror

I watched the video made by 18 year old Ben Breedlove just days before he died.  If you haven’t watched it go here:

Ben Breedlove

I’ve watched it a couple of times.

Though I was moved by all he shared with us I can’t get one statement he wrote, out of my head.

“I then looked at myself in the mirror, I was proud of myself.”

I keep thinking of that young man, that child-reflecting on his life.  And feeling good.  It made me feel good.  About him.  About what he believes in.  About what I believe in.

But then I pictured myself in front of his mirror.

What would I see?

I don’t always feel good about what I’ve done.

If I reviewed my life like Ben did I would have many instances, many moments where I could have done better.  I don’t mean in reflecting and in hindsight I would have done differently, or better.  I mean when I lived the moment and made poor choices knowing then that there were better ways of acting, better ways of being.  Those are the moments I can’t blame on youth, or ignorance, or righteousness.  Sometimes, sadly, we-at least I-, know I could have and should have made better choices.  And I chose the bad.   The negative.  The wrong.    They aren’t even moments that always involved  outward actions.   Aren’t the things that matter about us important even if no one else knows about them?   The mutterings under our breath.  Our unspoken, but unkind, thoughts.  Our selfish acts in the light of other’s needs.   Talking unkindly about others, with others.  Not doing, when something needs done.

How do I think that I belong among those who do and did live an exemplary life and did their very best to always be good.  There are those who live good and Godly.  I know people who are shining examples of ‘do unto others’.   And I respect them.  Admire them.  If I know I do not live as I should why do I expect to reap the rewards?

Because I do expect it.  Well, maybe I don’t expect it so much as I hope for it.

He believes in God and angels.  As do I.

So why do I make the decisions I make.  Why do I live life without every effort to be that good.

Why live negatively.  Why is negative ever a choice.  A decision.

When I want to live eternally in His positive light.

It doesn’t make much sense.

I want to stand in reflection of my life and look back and be very proud of what I’ve done.

Like Ben did.

What a gift he was to his family.  What a beautiful gift he left his family.

What a lesson he is to me.

Thank you Ben.

I take peace and comfort from your gift.   And I hope to live my lesson by living better.