Child:  mom it hurts when I do this!

Mom:   don’t do that!


Child:  brother won’t stop looking at me!

Mom:  you don’t know he’s looking at you unless you’re looking at him.


Child:  but why can’t I?

Mom:  because I said so.  That’s why.


Mom:  Patrick!  James!  Heather!   Tara!

Child:  no response because the right name wasn’t used.

Mom:  DAMNIT!  You know who you are!


Mom:  let’s say grace.

Eight Children:   “grace”

Mom:  that’s not funny.


Mom:  be nice to your brothers and sisters.  One day they will be the best friends you have!

Child:  yeah…right (muttered under breath with back turned)


Mom:  hug your brother.

Child:   gross!


Child:  you’re a PIG!

Other child:   Mom!!!!  Brother/sister called me a pig!

Mom:  go stand in front of the mirror and say one hundred times “I am a pig”

Other child standing in front of the mirror:   “I am not (whispered) a pig”

Mom:   I can hear you!


Mom:  get ready for church!

Child:  I am !

Mom:  for God’s sake don’t sit anywhere near me in church I don’t want anyone to know your my child dressed like that!


Mom:   Colleen  child go to the store and get a head of lettuce.  NOT CABBAGE.  Lettuce.   NOT CABBAGE.  You ALWAYS get cabbage.

Colleen Child returning from the store:  handing Mom what is definitely  lettuce.

Mom:  absently taking lettuce from Colleen’s child’s hands.   Looks at the definitely head of lettuce and drops her head:  oh my God it’s cabbage.


Child:   “uh…….”

Mom:   “damnit”  with sad drop of the exasperated head.


Mom:   happy birthday!

Colleen Child:  thanks for having me!

Mom:  it was my pleasure!

Colleen Child:  really?



Happy Mother’s Day.

I love you.

Mom:  oh!  you didn’t need to do anything!

Happy Mother’s Day Mom.

And to everyone who’s Mom is watching over them…. God bless and I hope you all laugh at some of your mom’s momism’s!