Child: mom it hurts when I do this!
Mom: don’t do that!
Child: brother won’t stop looking at me!
Mom: you don’t know he’s looking at you unless you’re looking at him.
Child: but why can’t I?
Mom: because I said so. That’s why.
Mom: Patrick! James! Heather! Tara!
Child: no response because the right name wasn’t used.
Mom: DAMNIT! You know who you are!
Mom: let’s say grace.
Eight Children: “grace”
Mom: that’s not funny.
Mom: be nice to your brothers and sisters. One day they will be the best friends you have!
Child: yeah…right (muttered under breath with back turned)
Mom: hug your brother.
Child: you’re a PIG!
Other child: Mom!!!! Brother/sister called me a pig!
Mom: go stand in front of the mirror and say one hundred times “I am a pig”
Other child standing in front of the mirror: “I am not (whispered) a pig”
Mom: I can hear you!
Mom: get ready for church!
Child: I am !
Mom: for God’s sake don’t sit anywhere near me in church I don’t want anyone to know your my child dressed like that!
Colleen child go to the store and get a head of lettuce. NOT CABBAGE. Lettuce. NOT CABBAGE. You ALWAYS get cabbage. Colleen Child returning from the store: handing Mom what is definitely lettuce.
Mom: absently taking lettuce from
Colleen’s child’s hands. Looks at the definitely head of lettuce and drops her head: oh my God it’s cabbage.
Mom: “damnit” with sad drop of the exasperated head.
Mom: happy birthday!
Colleen Child: thanks for having me!
Mom: it was my pleasure!
Colleen Child: really?
Happy Mother’s Day.
I love you.
Mom: oh! you didn’t need to do anything!
Happy Mother’s Day Mom.
And to everyone who’s Mom is watching over them…. God bless and I hope you all laugh at some of your mom’s momism’s!