Sibling Handbook

Everyone should own one of these if they have a sibling.  Feel free to add to it.

Rules Of Siblinghood:

Be it known that some of these are not merely “rules” but also considered “laws”.   Adhere accordingly or take/pay the consequences at your own risk.

1.  There is a hierarchy:

Oldest:  You get to do everything first.   You usually have to be most responsible.   None of the younger ones have to respect you.  You get away with everything.

Middle:  You have to do everything.  You get beat up by the oldest.  You have to take care of the youngest.  The oldest does not respect you.   The youngest does not respect you.   You get away with nothing.

Youngest:  You have to do absolutely nothing.   You get to do whatever you want.  Everyone thinks you’re the cutest.  No one really respects you because you’re too young to respect.  You get away with absolutely everything.

2.  All siblings have the inherent right to torment, make fun of, and ridicule any and all siblings.

3.  All siblings will have the back, of all other siblings, against any other human being on the face of the earth who torments, makes fun of or ridicules your sibling.   (Law)

4.  Older brothers shall at all times consider themselves as protectors of younger siblings.   This does not go out of effect with age.

                   Addendum to #4:  Any and all siblings must in turn step in to role of protector if older brother siblings are in need of assistance, are out of the country, or otherwise and understandably occupied.   Sibling groups without brothers shall rely on the toughest of the sisters.  Besides, sisters are usually tougher any way.

5.  All siblings must fully comply with the oldest sister’s wishes and demands.  This applies even if the oldest sister is younger than you.   (Law)

6.  Youngest siblings shall be responsible for clean up after all family gatherings.  (Law-somebody in our family probably should be arrested).

7.    At no time shall siblings rat out one another to the parents for the stupid things they got away with as children.  Respect the secret code of siblings, forever.   (Law)

                   Addendum to #7:  This does not apply if you are the oldest sister (regardless of birth order) and the secret, properly exposed in a blog, is funny.

8.  In sibling groups of 4  or larger:

     1 sibling shall be an expert on medical questions

     1 sibling shall be an expert on construction and home repair

     1 sibling shall be an expert on legal matters

     1 sibling shall always be willing to cook and/or prepare great food with little or no notice.

                   Addendum to #8:  Any sibling with a significant other who is better at this than a sibling who currently holds this position may allow said significant other to take the place of that sibling.   Putting the needs and wants of their siblings above their own ego.  

9.  Any sibling who is exceptionally good at tormenting, making fun of and ridiculing other siblings may (and should) want to realize they will catch a boat load of sh!# from retaliating siblings as they get older, wiser and craftier.

10. All siblings shall cheer the loudest and longest for any other sibling who reaches a long worked for goal, competes in a race, earns a degree, challenges themselves to do something inspiring and unexpected, or other lofty achievements that make all other siblings say dammmmmn that’s awesome!

11.  No sibling shall ever turn their back on a sibling unless playing hide and seek.

12.  No sibling shall ever steal shotgun position from another sibling who called shotgun.  (Law)

13.  Any sibling who witnesses another sibling trying to choke down a nasty vegetable they do not like because they can’t leave the dinner table until they do, may and should, eat all of that sibling’s vegetables if the witnessing sibling likes the said vegetable.  If the witnessing sibling does not like the said vegetable they have no obligation to choke down extra portions.

14.  Younger siblings shall at all times admire and adore the older siblings.  Most notably and dedicatedly to the older sister sibling who changed their diapers, fed them, bathed them, watched them, and loved them as their first children.

15.  All siblings shall be forever grateful for all of the  torments, being made fun of or ridicules your siblings bestowed upon you.  And remember it fondly as you get older.   And as the distance between youth and now gets greater  all siblings shall keep sacred the bond of what they have and what they shared then.   And miss now.   (Law)

30 thoughts on “Sibling Handbook

  1. 16. Embarrassing stories about siblings should be told at every family gathering, especially in the presence of their children. Adding details is allowed if it enhances the story.

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  2. I am the oldest sister sibling and I am all of the positions in #8, which inherently means I am welcome to oppose the significant others who dare to think as a unit the ten of us cannot accomplish everything imaginable without the interference of anyone from the shallow end of the gene pool. 😛
    Red.

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  3. 17. When a child is both middle of the group AND middle sister (legal term; twice-hexed), she shall be forgiven all idiosyncrosies, foibles, eccentricities, and emotional extremes for all of her life. (Law-strictly enforced)

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    • YOU can not make the laws. Only I can. Sorry, already called it. You may, however, add suggestions and maybe even a rule. But I get to overrule everything. Hahahahahahahaha! You need to check out a blog called “The Middlest Sister”. You will absolutely love it!

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      • Just another example of the injustices perpetrated against the middle child/middle sister… will it never end????

        psssssttttt….link me to the blog of which you spoke, please 😉

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          • Yes, you are indeed a co-middle. I, however, have the enviable position of middle/middle sister, which may actually be more therapy-inducing than being simply a middle. You just wouldn’t understand…you haven’t walked in these shoes. Well, the shoes in the other room–as you know I don’t wear shoes in the house. I need to go fix something or make sure all is well somewhere…

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            • What the heck are you babbling about? You are no more middle than I am!!!! We each have 3 on one side of us and four on the other!!!! Duh. I know, I have to explain things extra slow to you…. 🙂

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              • Yes (and, duh!), but I have one older sister and one younger sister, hence one to either side….hellooooooooooooooooo!!!!! (I typed extra slow for you, my eldest of sisters). Therein lies the root of all my issues. That’s my story. Na-na-na-na-na (you know the tune!)

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                • You are not the oldest sister, or oldest daughter, or first daughter, you are the one who came after me who didn’t have to DO EVERYTHING! HAahahahahaha, I wanted to put that in sarcastic italics but this won’t let me. It would be dripping with ten year old angst if I could make it appear as such!

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  4. I completely disagree with you for number one. My parents decided that my older brothers should get away with everything no matter what. The middle brother gets whatever he wants even though he is the worst child ever. I am the youngest and I was never taken care of by my older brothers, I don’t get everything I want, I don’t get to do anything. My parents think that since I’m a girl I should have to do everything. My brother just uses the excuse that he has a job and I don’t and that means he doesn’t have to clean or help out around the house. Even though he is a high school drop out who is going no where in life but they still think he is the better child.

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    • Whitney, I should add that this sibling handbook only applies to my life. Because, of course, everyone’s is different. This was written “tongue in cheek”. Some humor applied to some of my personal family myths and some of my personal families truths.

      It sounds like you recognize a huge imbalance of fairness. And it sounds like you have intentions to change all of that. 🙂 I hope you do! And I hope you excel !!!

      Thank you for reading and commenting. I know all of our situations are different. And part of my blog is the communication from others sharing our differences. So thank you very much for your time and feedback.

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