Don’t Take More Than You Can Lose

My sister in law asked me to go gambling with her.

“Okay.”   I’ve never done this, so why not.  “How much should I take?”

“No more than you want to lose.”   She said.

It didn’t take long for me to consider how much I was willing to lose.  In all honesty I don’t want to throw away a quarter let alone any more.  I told her “two dollars and fifty cents”.     She told me to make sure I brought hot dog money.

So today was the big day.  My big gambling adventure.

I had not a clue as to what to do.  I envisioned cashing in some paper money for some quarters.  And one quarter at a time I would then throw away my money.

Well no.   Stupid progress even messed that up.   You put money in, but then it gives you a piece of paper.  And you put that paper (or more money paper) in to the machines.  And they just let you know how many ‘credits’ or money you have left.   For that reason alone I will never go gambling again.  Where is the fun?  The excitement?   The dirty hands from handling all of the coins?    I can’t very well put a big plastic bucket under a spout to catch the coins as they come clanging out of the machine, when it’s all automated and paper, now can I?

No.  I can’t.

Oh it was all pretty and clean.   And sparkly lights every where.   Free pop.   Oh, wait, sorry.  I should say “free” pop.   You know putting the quotes around it make it not really free.   As long as you understand that than you are with me.

One sister in law showed me how to do this thing called gambling.   After watching her three times I tried it on my own.  I wondered around looking at all of the machines.   My gosh they have everyone’s lucky icon stuck on some kind of a machine.  I decided to try Atlas.  The machine, not the man.  I’m married.

Atlas was good to me.  In no time at all I was up over eighty dollars.   I could start to love this thing called gambling.  Then some guy sat next to me and I stopped winning.  I have a few choice words for that dude.   He sucked all of my luck out of me or the machine.   Why did he have to sit next to me when there are 10,000 other empty machines?

I tried another machine.  I couldn’t figure out what it had to do to win.  But the money kept deducting and the winning was lost so I left that machine.  I meandered about.   Looking for my own lucky symbols.  I mean, if I found a “Grace O’Malley” machine I was all in!  I didn’t.  Nor could I find a bagel machine.

Then I ran back in to the gangsters who brought me.  We all watched while one of them hit some money.  So, that’s what you’re supposed to do.   Okay.   I meander off again.   My eighty dollars up soon dwindled down.   And rose back up.   Okay.  Well if I don’t spend any more than that first $20 and get to keep playing, this is kind of fun.

We took a break for lunch.   Instead of grilled chicken or something else that may pretend to be healthy I thought I ought to just go for broke.   I’m gambling for crying out loud.   So I had New York Cheesecake and coffee.   I know.   Call me wicked.   Call me dangerous.  I was living large.

We returned to gambling.  I wondered around.  Just waiting for the machine to call out to me.  Give me that feeling.   You know.   The one that says sit here and win.   I didn’t really get that feeling from any of them.   So I started looking for games that would take my money slower.   They might be “penny” machines but minimum bets are “30”, “40” and up.   Which does not make them penny machines.   It makes them “30”, “40” and up machines.   I just thought the slower I threw my money away, the longer the fun would last.

And it did.

Last.

Until I ran out.

Of all of my money.

I sent my daughter a text and told her I lost:

“No more $”

 She sent a text back and said:

“LOL…did you have fun?”

I sent a text back that said:

“:) yes.   Too much.  Say goodbye to ur Christmas presents.”

She sent a text back:

“LOL.  You’re too funny.”

Just so she stops LOL-ing……  Here is a picture of my winnings.     🙂

My Big Gambling Adventure

I lost track.  I don’t know if this is technically my winnings.   Or technically what I had left over.  I think I experienced every emotion one experiences when they gamble.

“Oh my God I’m winnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnning!”

“This is great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“I can pay off my car!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”    (This was happened when I was up forty dollars.   I know.  Pitiful hope.)

“Okay play seven times then go to the next one.”

“No, I can play until it’s back down to the original twenty dollars.”

“I can’t stop now!  It’s going to hit for the next person if I stop.”

“Okay I can play until it’s down to ten dollars.”

“I meant five dollars.”

“It’s okay I still have another twenty dollars.”

“Where the hell did all of my money go????”

“I wish I’d have brought my ATM card in.”

Crap.

I wonder if they’ll ask me to go again………..

31 thoughts on “Don’t Take More Than You Can Lose

  1. I think the Chatter Master is taking her fiefdom for granted.

    Should we believe her when she implies she doesn’t gamble..never? Should we? Not when she makes a Freudian slip and words of a seasoned gambler trickles out of her royal brain and onto her royal knogger: “…Just waiting for the machine to call out to me. Give me that feeling. You know. The one that says sit here and win. I didn’t really get that feeling from any of them…”

    I rest my case.

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  2. Oh, I am laughing so hard I’m crying! EVERYTHING you said is what I say at any casino! Especially the superstitious crap (oops, I meant stuff) that runs through your head – “that guy sucked all the luck out of my machine!” “If I quit NOW, the very next person will win the jackpot that would have paid off our mortgage!” Okay, I have another $20 – 3 more spins! Where is my husband???!!! He must be winning, and I need more money! The best one, though, my friend, is “Thank God I didn’t bring my ATM card!” 🙂

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  3. I don’t dare to play … on machines, because I can’t stop … I play the roulette table once in a while – and I quite when I lost my beat budget. I don’t like to watch others play … to tempting. You had a great time and then the money was well spent and you got some excitement too.

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    • I did have a good time. A very good time. And I just don’t know if I like the idea of losing my money so easily. No, no, I’m absolutely POSITIVE I did not enjoy losing my money. And yet, oddly, I had a very good time. 🙂

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  4. Texas hold ’em everyt time. I wear sun glasses and a ball cap. Huisnand carries mt brief case for
    me. I only smoke when I gamble!
    Move over sista, Master Flash is here!

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  5. I was afraid I wouldn’t like the outcome of this post as soon as I read the opening line, Colleen. Remember, I did work as a croupier in a casino in Perth, & it was SAD.

    But you seem to have fun, and feel okay about “throwing money away”. I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂

    Stay innocent!

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    • 🙂 Thanks Noeleen. I am quite the naive one in MANY ways. It was fun. I had a good time. Until I think of the money I threw away! But it was worth the experience. I told Husband when I got home that I can’t imagine how much fear and desperation and hope lives out in places like that every day. Very sad, and scary. I know many people go for fun and don’t have problems with it. But I can’t imagine what people who work there (like you did) would have seen.

      I had enough though!
      Or maybe I should say I lost enough!

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  6. Oh, how funny, Colleen. Maybe it’s that my dad was a bookie, but for whatever reason I hate gambling. I tried it once, like you did. I still hated it. I know–crazy strong language. I suppose it’s not really “hate” or anything near it.

    Let me tell you what my dad always said–mind you he made his money off of other people’s gambling–“Gamblers are idiots. There’s no way they ever win in the end.” Now, God knows, I don’t know if he was right–only that he did makes lots of money.

    Glad you had fun. YOu tell a damn good story, my friend.

    Hugs,
    Kathy

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    • Oh Kathy, you always make me feel so good! Thank you! And your dad knew more than you and I did, I suspect there was more truth in what he said than we will ever know.

      Funny, your dad was a bookie and you hate gambling. My dad was a bar owner/tender and I hate drinking.

      Many similarities Kathy!
      Hugs returned. 🙂

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  7. LOL! I’ve never been gambling. I’ve walked through a casino (in Atlantic City), but was so puzzled by all the flashing lights, I decided to keep walking. I would need a tour guide or an instructor of some kind to tell me what to do. I’d be disappointed by the lack of money (or the handling of money) too.

    You sure do weave a good story. 🙂

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