In Actions He Spoke

I read something once in an article or a book, can’t remember which.

It was a woman writing about when she and her husband got married.   Her husband was not verbally romantic.   And when they married he told her he had something to tell her and he was only going to tell her once.   He said:   “I love you and if I ever change my mind I’ll let you know”.

The woman went on to write that they had a beautiful marriage.  For whatever reason he could not verbalize what he felt.  But in actions he spoke loudly.   She told of his kindness, gentleness, and how she would never trade the way he was for a few words spoken the way she had expected  them to be spoken.  She learned that loving him, and he loving her, had it’s own language.   The words were not the communication.   The actions, and the devotion he showed her, were.

I always thought that was beautiful.

And I wonder at the language others use to communicate their love.

Some do use softly spoken words full of intimacy and romance.

Some use a mixture of this man’s actions, and the words as well.

Some use fighting.   Odd as it seems, I’ve seen people who yell and cuss at one another, freely.   And where it seems negative and harsh to others (me) , it is how they ‘talk’.   And if it were suddenly to change it would feel so wrong to them.

I wonder about that couple.   I bet it’s been up to thirty years ago that I read that.  To my recollection it was a woman writing well in to her married years.   Because he never had changed his mind.  And she knew he loved her every day.

I wonder too, of others who  read her words, do they think about her all these years later.  Did anyone else read that and …. wish for that kind of love.

I know I did.

And now…I have something similar.   Daily Husband asks me to marry him.   And daily I tell him I would and will ‘every day’.    He tells me I am his favorite and I respond ‘favorite what’ and he responds ‘every thing’.    And though the words are welcomed and expected (!) every day….it is not what speaks loudest to me.    It is his actions.   Daily the things he does for me amaze me and make me wonder what ever did I do to deserve such devotion.

He apparently hasn’t changed his mind either.

And I wonder if my words, or my actions, speak as loudly to him.

I wouldn’t ever want him to doubt and wonder if I changed my mind.


28 thoughts on “In Actions He Spoke

  1. Reminds of the move Fiddler on the roof where the man asks the wife “Do you love me?” She says “for so many years I cleaned your house, I cooked your food…” Anyway, the man wanted her to say the words “I love you”. Beautiful. It’s all about caring where actions speaks louder than words.


    • I’m embarrassed to say this, but I have never seen ‘Fiddler On The Roof’. I know I have seen many situations through my field of work where love is “said” but there is absolutely nothing done to support it, show it, or make me believe someone is loved. I agree with you.


  2. Allison Krauss, “you say it best when you say nothing at all…the smile on your face lets me know that you love me…..
    Much needed reminder. Thank you

    However….I don’t buy it much because men may say they have hard time with emotion but I have seen same men cry over a football game.


  3. My parents fall into the fighting category (not physical fighting) at times, especially when I was younger. Of course it was accompanied with heavy New York accents.


  4. If more people did more “doing” and less “talking” the world would be in a better place right now. How wise of the man to “set the stage” for his marriage in such a manner. How devoted of the wife to never question or need confirmation of his love. This reminds me of the expression, “say what you mean and mean what you say”. How beautiful. And that you share this loyalty and love is one of the greatest gifts one could ever give and receive. I would count that blessing. TTFN


    • Thank you so much. I’m thinking I read this woman’s “letter” in Dear Abby. I wish I could remember for sure. If we aren’t open to other’s manner of communication, we will miss what they are trying to tell us. Your quote is spot on.


  5. Well my dear you are in for a treat. No only do I remember those words I remember who said them. Many years ago there was a TV series called Ben Casey MD played by Vince Edwards. Another regular MD character was played by Sam Jaffe and his real life wife’s name was Betty Ackerman. Betty did a magazine interview in which she said that on the day they were married her husband told her exactly what you wrote. Say maybe I will do a post on this. Those words have stayed with me all my life!


    • WHAT?????????????????????????? No way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I so remember it. Though I would have sworn it was in a “Dear Abby” column. Which, she did share other’s good stories so maybe she shared “Betty’s”. I do hope you write about it. I have often wondered more about her and her husband!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you Chris! 🙂


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