Family get togethers.
DISCLAIMER: This is no way represents my family. At all. It is a compilation of fictitious happenings.
There are many reasons to have family get togethers: birthdays, anniversaries, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, holidays.
And you know what family get togethers mean, especially at Christmas:
Someone will be in a bad mood and the spouse of the bad mood owner will be grousing. Or drinking. Or both.
At least one child will be sick and this usually includes vomiting and fever because it is the Christmas holiday. And everyone will feel horrible for the sick child. Because they drew the short straw so the other kids wouldn’t be the sick one.
One family member will be furious regarding a comment another family member made six months ago. The commenter won’t have remembered saying it. The furious one will have remembered it wrong. And the commenter will then get angry at the furious one for being an idiot.
Someone will cuss in front of the little kids. And one of the little ones who has never heard a cuss word from their parents will now have a new word that is repeated through out the day. Causing some to laugh. Which will then make a parent disgusted because adults find that funny. Whether it’s the parent of the newly cussing child or not. Someone does not think it’s funny.
Someone will show up two and half hours late. And when the first person leaves two hours after the late person arrives- the late person will tell the person who has been there five hours “why do you always have to leave so early!”
Regardless of whether the host does all of the cooking or it’s a pot luck someone will insist on waiting until everyone gets there. Including waiting on the person arriving two and a half hours late which is two hours after the food is ready. People will become hungry, irate and irritable and blame the late comer.
The late comer will deserve all of this angst.
Someone will sit in one place all day/night being quite content watching all of the comings and goings and listening to the 1,347 different discussions going on about them.
Someone will bring some fabulous dessert that everyone needs the recipe to. But no one will get because after it’s all eaten and gone it will be forgotten about.
Someone will get bouncy drunk.
Someone will get loud drunk.
Someone will get obnoxious drunk.
Someone will get sleepy drunk.
(These could be all of the same person or a combination.)
Someone will reminisce about someone loved and missed.
Someone will sing an off key song.
Someone will completely destroy their ‘diet’ by inhaling samples of every dessert offered. And finish off the dessert that everyone loved and wanted the recipe for.
Someone will go around and hug everyone.
Someone’s child(ren) will go around with adorable little snowman poop or ornaments they made for everyone.
Someone will be very excited about a gift they are giving or anticipating getting (there may be multiples of this).
Someone will wish quietly and out loud that they wish they could see each other more.
Stories of old will be relived again. And again. And then one more time.
Someone will snort loudly with a mouth full of something that will spray upon someone’s new holiday clothes. But they will be drunk and not care and hug the snorter.
Someone will roll their eyes at the ridiculousness of something by someone.
Someone will leave in a huff and the rest of the someone’s will say “what happened?” And discussion will follow trying to figure out who said what. No one will be able to figure it out.
Someone will be very glad that they have this crazy family drama blessing.
If my family resembles any of these it is solely by coincidence and I wouldn’t want it any other way.