Why Did I Think That?

Yesterday a thought popped in to my head.

“I’m a liar,

But I seek the truth.

How can this be.”

It was one of those random thoughts that just kind of got zapped in to my head.  I briefly wondered if it wasn’t intended for someone else and my big head got in the way blocking it’s intended receiver and taking it as it’s own.

I didn’t do anything with the thought.  No contemplation, no hurried jotting of thoughts and follow up thoughts.   Then, it woke me up in the middle of the night.  How odd is that?  To have a random thought.  Dismiss it because it doesn’t make sense.  Then it wakes me up in the middle of the night.  I woke up and that was the first conscious thought I had.    I went back to sleep.   This morning I got up and started cleaning and putting things away that gather over the holidays and a work week.  Waiting around the house to occupy a Saturday that could be spent doing something else.

The thought that I had dismissed twice zipped right to the front of my consciousness yet again.   I took out a handy dandy notebook and wrote it down.

Thinking that would be the end of it.

It wasn’t.  It isn’t.  It is following me every where I go and getting in the way of everything I am trying to do today.

So here I am dumping it on you.

I could write all kinds of interpretations to this.

I could be passing it on, tossing it out there to one of you who maybe the message was intended for.  (Sorry my fat head got in the way.  And FYI, my family is actually blessed with extra large craniums.   Hats must be extra large.)    Or it is truly meant for me and me avoiding it is also a message to me.

Am I supposed to take this and make some brilliant observation?

The statement is very clear and never changes:

“I’m a liar,

But I seek the truth.

How can this be.”

I know I could come up with all kinds of reasons for this thought that follows me.     But  after an entire day of pushing it out of my head I’m pretty sure  I know what it means.

And that’s the problem.