The Secret To Women?

Okay if there is a secret to being a woman that I don’t know about it’s time someone clued me in.

I think it’s pretty unreasonable of all of you women folk that I know to not have let me in on this before now.  Come On!

Men, seeing as how no one bothered to inform me that we (me being part of that female faction…wait…apparently they did not bother to inform me so all loyalties are off) have some kind of secret powers or knowledge I can only tell you what I know.  It may not be much.  But, eh, it’s yours if it helps at all.   In all fairness I guess I shouldn’t just share this with “men” but also with women who have women partners, or women dealing with other women who were also left out in the dark about the secrets of understanding women.

We’ll just use “chocolate” as a point of reference.   It could well be anything.  Anything.

Today your wife/girlfriend/significant other (henceforth all just referred to as the femalemay tell you she prefers milk chocolate.  Tomorrow, on your way home from work, you stop for some groceries and see a nice little gift bag of milk chocolates in the candy aisle.   Lindts?  Cadbury?  Hershey’s?  Chocolate covered raisins?  Whatever you see you think fondly of your female and grab a little treat to get with the rest of your groceries.

You get home.  Give her the chocolate.  She stares at you in disbelief.  You stare back in confusion.  She can’t believe you did that.  You don’t know what it is you did.

Remember,  you can take “milk chocolate” and substitute any thing you and your female have discussed.

Remember, this is only a brief guide to insight.

The insight that there is no secret.

What has happened since you heard her say she liked milk chocolate yesterday?  What has happened since you had a nice thought about your female and you wanted to surprise her with a sweet treat?

A number of things are possible:

She got on the scale.

She read an article about the chemicals in processed chocolates and what it does to age the skin (I’m making that up I have no idea if it’s true).

She heard on the news on the way to work that dark chocolate is extremely healthy for your heart.  And anyone giving you milk chocolate is probably trying to kill you.

She read an article about healthy living and decided on her lunch break that she is giving up all candies, as much processed foods as possible, and is going to make you do this with her.

Someone gave her some chocolate today and it was nasty.

Whatever her reason something happened.   You, unfortunately, just don’t know what that something was.  I am telling you.  Apparently for centuries, if not millenniums, women have tried to convince you that you are the problem because you are at fault for not understanding.

Disclaimer:   some men don’t listen.  Some women don’t listen. This may also play in to the secret thing.  But since I don’t know the secret I’m as oblivious as the rest of you.

Of course you don’t understand.  And there, is the break through.  There is no secret.  There is no way to break that code.  There is no code.  They just don’t want you to know it-they don’t want you to know there is no secret to break.

We, females, are as wiley and squirrelly as the men gender.   We think one thing one minute and ten minutes later we have a different thought about the same subject matter.  Because that’s what our brains do.  Generate thoughts.  Conflicting thoughts.  They go along with opposing thumbs.  It makes us wonder, contemplate, change, differ, waffle, contrive, and seem all together non-understandable.  It’s not a secret.  It’s not a code.

Stage whisper:  but they don’t want you to know that!

And in all fairness to women, or men with men as partners, there is no great mystery there either.  I’ve cracked that odd belief that men think differently.   No.   They.   Don’t.   They just don’t think out loud.   Case in point:  husband thinks of something to tell me.  He doesn’t see me for hours  because of work or other commitments.  He tells himself repeatedly in his head this thing he does not want to forget to tell me.  He tells himself this thing often until he has repeated it to himself so many times he is sick of hearing it.

Three days later he reminds me of this thing he thought to tell me.  But didn’t.  Because he has convinced himself that in the retelling himself 392 times, he has told me.   But hasn’t.

The secret?  Really?  Be grateful for someone else picking up the groceries.  Be appreciative of the kind gesture, say thanks, and share the treat with him.  Or the people at work who didn’t have good chocolate.   And if whatever he forgot to tell me is not about my life saving organ I was supposed to pick up 2 days ago on my way home from work, doesn’t matter too much.  Usually.

So, now that I’ve broken some secret code passed down to nearly everyone but me, that’ll teach you to keep secrets.  Won’t it.