You might pick up on how slow I am on the uptake after I tell you this.
Yesterday I recalled a conversation a small group of us had at work, oh, about five years ago. We were standing together about three, four or five us. Lamenting about weight. Gaining weight. Not being able to lose weight.
For the purpose of this story my history with weight has fluctuated through out my life. Always on the heavy side. But I have been much heavier than I am now. And I have been much smaller. Recently I have put on thirteen pounds in a six week period. To me that is a lot. I work out twice a day. I try to be careful eating. I say ‘no’ to my self a lot about things I want to eat. Not always. But a lot. I suspect the recent weight gain may have to do with a short stint of steroid medication I had to take for an inner ear thing.
I also suspect that my recent concern over the rapid weight gain is what brought the five year old conversation to the forefront of my thoughts yesterday.
The conversation included a wonderful and wise friend who I will call Willow. For no other reason than I like the name Willow. Her real name is not Willow. After many minutes of a few of us lamenting about weight I made another comment complaining about not being able to lose weight.
Willow: “Colleen you would lose weight on chemo”.
Colleen: Remains silent. Looks puzzled while I am thinking chemo? Why chemo? You can’t take chemo? Can you? Wow. No. I looked at her and five years later I suspect she thought I was contemplating : can I really get chemo to lose weight?
Willow: “Colleen you don’t want chemo”.
I’m not sure what I said to her. If anything. It was an odd conversation in that I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to think.
Yesterday this conversation ballooned in to my thoughts and sat there.
I think, after five years, I get it.
Willow was very simply pointing a few things out to me. If I was on chemo I would probably be wishing I could eat. I would likely be wishing I wasn’t losing so much weight. I might be a little embarrassed about all of the healthy times in my life I worried about my weight when I was still healthy enough to live a fulfilling life.
I might wish, if I was on chemo, that I only had the problems I had before I started having to live with chemo.
I couldn’t get this conversation from five years ago out of my head. I shared it with another friend who said “Willow is so wise”.
And perspective is a valuable gift.