Tall As I Wanna Be

I had a conversation, once, with someone.    I started the conversation by taking a risk and saying exactly what I was thinking.  I said “I am having a tall day.  I feel about 8 foot tall.  Everyone else seems so short”.  She looked at me and said “I know exactly what you mean”.  I was surprised she got it.  At least she got it from her perspective.  I have since had many conversations regarding just that topic, and apparently many people get it.  At least when I say it, it means something to them, that they totally understand in some way.  I don’t know if they understand what I mean….but I think some of them do.

It means a couple of things to me.  And quite literally there are days that I feel much taller than everyone around me.  It’s like I am walking on stilts. But it means something else too.  It’s harder to explain and in trying to explain it, it kind of loses something in the translation from my brain to your reading eyes.  But it’s a philosophy I want to share.

I have created my own philosophies (as most of us do) and many of my former students have tolerated my philosophies.  So former students…I apologize.  This particular one I enjoy immensely and use it often.  Simply stated I have decided “that I can be as tall as I want to be”.  That’s right.  I do not have to be five foot six.  Which is fine if I am in a five foot six frame of mind.  But I seldom am.  Most moments I am hovering around six foot ten.  But frequently I burst up towards ten foot, and occasionally fifteen foot tall.  I know many don’t believe me but it’s true.  I often find myself looking over the heads of six foot plus tall persons.  Easily.  They scoff at me.   If only they trusted and believed.  Often is the time I am in conversation with someone who is average height by American standards, or even taller, and I find myself wondering why they seem so short to me.  It’s a phenomenon.

It’s difficult to contain sometimes too.  I have often wondered why, why me?  Why am I blessed with this power to be as tall as I want to be and be flexible about when to be tall or not as tall, but I can’t share it with anyone?

When I am just sitting around talking with family and friends I feel about five foot six, sometimes about six foot.  When I have to get in someone’s face who is threatening my child or any of my family I am fifteen foot easily.  When I have to walk up to a door not knowing what is on the other side I hover around the seven foot mark because it is intimidating but people usually smile uncertainly not knowing whether to be fearful, of comforted by the impression the size makes.  It’s all in how you present your tallness you know.  It’s how you interpret your own tallness.  And whether you are comfortable with it or not.

I don’t want anyone telling me I am not tall.  They can joke with me.  They can argue that they are as tall as or taller than me.  That is fine.  They are entitled to be as tall as they want to be also.  I actually kind of enjoy that, that someone else is as tall as they want to be.

Right now I am about seven foot tall and this stinking recliner isn’t quite long enough, my feet are hanging over the edge.  But it makes me happy  because I see my feet hanging over the edge and it just makes me feel good about being so tall today.  Because I choose to hover around 7 feet tall today.