Aging My Ass

Last week someone told me I was an “old lady”.

I told her I wasn’t an old lady and asked her why she called me that.

“Because you are an old lady”.

I chuckled.

What does she know?  She’s only five.

Then something occurred to me.

She will remember me as an old lady.

What. The. Hell.

I am the age of life.   And the age of life is not defined as old.   It is defined as whatever age I am and I am living life.

So here’s the deal to anyone defining me as an old lady.  Or, for that matter, anyone trying to define ‘old’ on anyone.   “Old” will no longer be defined by chronological age or biological age.  Nope.  Age will be defined by me.  DIBS!    I met a 93 year old lady yesterday who a year ago her son in law had to make her get off of the roof of her house.  She was trying to repair some damage, she knew she could do it so she went up to do it.   Got the ladder, propped it up, and went up on the roof.  I laughed.  His eyes got wider.   I told him I hope to be climbing roofs when I’m 92.   As a matter of fact, you can count on it.   But I will be 95.  I will  just climb up there, sit upon the roof top, and cackle like mad.  I might even kick the ladder over.  And when the kids and the grand kids and the great grand kids are yelling at me to not fall, hold on, they’re coming, I’m going to stand up on the slanted roof and dance a jig.  A jig I didn’t learn until I was 89.  I’m going to listen to them gasp and a couple of them will scream.

I will then sit down and write a blog about it.   While I’m up on the roof.  And I will post with the blog, a picture of the group of people gathered below me yelling up at me.  Them standing there shielding their eyes trying to make sure they use their will power to keep me from falling.  Every once in awhile I’ll make a sudden move …. just to hear them gasp.

I will laugh when I hear them talking about who didn’t take the ladders out of the garage?   Who put the ladder there anyway?  What do you mean she did it herself!

I will make a paper plane of the blog post from May 3, 2013 that I stuck in my back pocket before going up there.   I will sail it through the air right in to her hands.  Because by then I will be a master at paper plane making and paper plane flying.    She will open it and read it.

She will look up at me and laugh.

I’m going to  point at her and say “your the old lady!”  Because when I climb up there at 95 she will be the age I was last week.

She will smile.

She might even join me on the roof.

We’ll toast with coffee or Diet Coke because I still don’t drink alcohol (that could change but likely not).

And I will tell her that I redefined ‘old lady’ just for her and that I love her much.

46 thoughts on “Aging My Ass

  1. Bwahaha! She will not remember you as old. I remember at four thinking 30 was dead. It was not until later I figured out if 30 was dead, what were my great-grandparents (in their 80s). Paper plane lessons. You can give them. Therapy for arthritis.


    • Ha!!! 🙂 I love this. I can still be teaching something to someone at 95! I am currently hanging out with my 77 year old uncle and I can’t keep up with him. Age is so inaccurate an indicator of life.


  2. If I wasn’t afraid of heights, I’d join you and I would sing from the rooftop. I must find my niche, which will be climbing on a ladder at 95 and washing windows and putting up and taking down Christmas lights. My mother was 82 the last time she did these. I plan to still be around at 95.

    Awesome post. Oops, I think I wet myself. Glory, you’re a hard act to follow.


    • BOL! (Burst out laughing!)

      🙂 Whatever it is we do at 95, it will leave our children and their children/children/children wondering what in the world they are going to do when THEY turn 95. What a great challenge to create for them. 😉


  3. Fabulous! Old? I’m not old either. And I have no intention of ever being old. I can age, but I won’t grow old. And it’s good to start that thinking now…I want my granddaughters to remember me as vital in old age. I love your attitude! I am not sure I want to be on a roof, but I’ll find my equivalent! 🙂


  4. Lots of wisdom in your words for that 5 year old to reflect on someday. One day that 5 year old will realize, with a big smile beaming from her soul, she was most fortunate to have such a wise “old lady” in her life.


    • She is pretty sweet and smart. I am pretty sure she is testing her knowledge of words and expression. She has no idea what “old” is. She has been blessed with multiple generations of “oldER” people who give her nothing to fear about aging. 🙂


    • SUPER! By then maybe they will even give us a little more bounce and stability. From the sounds of it we will have a roof top of wonderful, happy, productive friends. It will be fabulous!


  5. At least she called you lady *smile .. from kids and drunks we always get the truth – but if you are five .. is anyone over 15 old. Don’t forget to ask your grandkid’s kids to take a photo of you while you are up on the roof … blogging – because we need proof.
    But there is some years left until … it’s time to practice getting up the ladder … the best thing is that if you don’t climb down on your own .. a couple of handsome sexy firemen will collect you. *smile


    • Oh geez you make me laugh! She did indeed call me “ladY”
      and you have a fantastic suggestion. I will add that to the plan. When I kick the ladder over and they try to get me to come down I will feign inability (yeah, right) and tell them to call the fireman. GREAT suggestion. 😉


  6. Fantastic!! I might join you up on the roof. 🙂 I had thoughts about “old” while visiting with my granddaughters yesterday evening. I imagine they see me as old. I don’t agree, of course. It’s funny how we redefine old and aging as we get older. I look at photos of my parents or grandparents and wonder how I could have seen them as old at that time in my life because they look so YOUNG in those pictures (probably because they were younger, at the time, than I am now).


    • Come on up! Sounds like a party is being planned. 🙂

      I do the same thing with pictures!!!!! I think people “expected” to look or “be” old at certain ages.

      I say no way to that!


  7. This message is so true…it’s how you act and not the number that defines your age. My children think my mom is a kid. They have no clue that she is of an age that doesn’t find playing duck, duck goose fun and they think she makes mud pies even when they aren’t around!


  8. LIST TIME!!!!

    1) I can help you with the jig nod nods.

    2) This reminds me a bit of the poem, When I am old I will wear purple …. not caring….living as you wish … in your case, living NOT OLD yahhhh

    3) Why has Koji not commented yet? Should I kick him? heh.


    • I think Koji has abandoned us for some living and excitement. 🙂 But feel free to give him a little nudge.

      You are SO on for the jig. Though shhhhhhh, my niece might be offended if she isn’t asked to teach me. She is a World’s Placed dancer. Was that a shameless brag on my niece? 🙂


      • OMG…your niece? Really? Step or sean-nós? And brag on *smiles*. I did step … and when becoming older…I started again and did some performance dances, but nothing near competition level. Wow. One of my friends got 62nd in the worlds a few years ago.

        As for Koji…he seems nice *smiles*


        • Koji is SUPER nice! 🙂

          Step dancing. She has placed in the World’s twice. Heaven help me now I can’t remember if it was #14 or #17. But to us she is #1. 🙂

          And dance away! We need to be ready in fifty years!


  9. Oh my goodness! I had a huge smile on my face the whole time I read this…as I pictured you doing everything you said….and I hope I’m up there with you, especially when the firemen show up….then I’ll take it from there!!!!!


  10. I loved this and believe you have reset the “age bar” for all of us to climb a ladder, do a jig and write a post. . . while our relatives freak out! Lol 😀


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