She Touched Me

My well established comfort zone does not include people I don’t know touching me.  For that matter it doesn’t include some of the people I do know touching me.  There’s always that don’t touch me comfort zone that is a safeguard from that which I do not trust.

Today I had a bit of an experience.

I walked in to a store to look for something to hang around my neck.   Not a noose.  But something to hang around my neck like a lanyard. I don’t normally walk in to a store and ask for something because I don’t want someone telling me what I want.  I go in, look, don’t see and leave.   Or see what I need, get it, go.

Today I walked in and the little shop was packed full of interesting things.  I like things.  Intriguing things.  She was in there.    I don’t remember what she said.  But she spoke to me and I looked up.  And there she was.  Her hair was softly swept up, or back, or something.  I know nothing about hair style so whatever it was, it was.  And her face smiled at me.  I can’t remember if she actually smiled.  But her face was a smile.   I told her I was looking for a lanyard instead of giving my usual smile and “no thanks I’m just looking”.   She said she had a really cute one.   I said something to the effect of “I don’t really do cute”.   I was following her.   She turned with her smiling face.

She reached out.

And her hand landed on my wrist.  Patted.

Cool touch.

A very comforting touch.

And she said “oh you can do cute and surprise everyone”.

What about that touch.

And that smiling face.

Was different?

I can’t explain it.   But I know what it was.

It was safe.

My comfort zone hasn’t changed.

My trust levels haven’t changed.

I just received confirmation though, to something I have always believed.   Even when I didn’t trust anyone because I didn’t know what was safe to trust.  But even when I didn’t know what was safe, or where safety was.   I knew it existed.  I knew because I saw others who were comfortable and safe and trusting.   I knew it existed.     And though I learned this, discovered this long before today-today I received validation.   And a surprise validation.

She touched me.

It was safe.

And it was appreciated.

My well established comfort zone does have room for….her.  And I learn even more trust exists.

She touched me.  And it was okay.

I was okay.