What’s The Difference?

When I was younger my mom used to send me to the store.  A lot.  I was the oldest girl.  Probably the most responsible person on the face of the earth at the age of ten.   You wouldn’t send someone irresponsible to the store.  Right?

Usually it was for eggs.  Or bread.  Or diapers.  I can’t tell you how many billions of diapers I carried home, on top of my head, for the young siblings.  I kept their butts dry.  They should be a bit more grateful about that.

There is one thing I dreaded having to go to the store to get.


You would have thought that after so many attempts at doing this, and failing, she would have given up asking.

But no.

She continued to put this pressure on me.

And no, it was not to try and buy her wine.  Come on.

This is how it would go:


A quick responding Colleen would say “yes mom, what do you need me for?”

I need you to go to the store to get some things.

Immediately I would sweat.

Get a loaf of bread, shoot, we need milk, just get a quart, and….

Please don’t say it please don’t say it please don’t say it.

And lettuce.

My eyes would tear up.  I kid you not.  Tears.  Tears for my fears.   Because I knew what she would say and why she was going to say it.

And for God’s sake do NOT bring home cabbage again.  Lettuce.  Lettuce.  Not cabbage.

You have no idea how often this happened.  No.  Idea.

To this day I have an automatic sweat response standing in front of the heads of lettuce and cabbage.

I never asked my kids to pick up lettuce.  Ever.

60 thoughts on “What’s The Difference?

  1. “Aaaaaand! Lettuce!”

    Dun! dun! Duuuun!

    I could picture that as part of a sitcom.

    I used to dread picking up cigarettes for my parents when I turned eighteen because I didn’t want people to think I smoked. Same thing occurred when I turned twenty-one for an obvious reason.


    • 🙂 Ha, I heard the music as I read it!!!!! Feel free to use this in your first sitcom screen play. 🙂

      I hear you. And you KNOW most people DID think it was you you were buying it for. It’s rough, sometimes.


  2. lol!! I am reminded of years ago when my husband requested a certain music CD for his birthday. I went to a music store and picked up a Smashing Pumpkins CD. Turns out he’d never heard of Smashing Pumpkins (it was their first album). What he wanted was the Blind Melon CD. Melons, pumpkins…they’re all gourds to me. Oh, and let’s not forget the time I cooked a honeydew melon thinking it was a spaghetti squash. You don’t want to know what honeydew smells like when it bakes for an hour. 😉


    • Oh geez, you and MY Husband! I told him I loved the Irish Tenors and he got me “the” tenors. I wasn’t sure why……

      Your cooking the honey dew beats my cabbage, hands down! 🙂


  3. HA!! This is the greatest little tidbit. My mother used to send me to the corner store with a written note that said I was allowed to pick up her cigarettes. I couldn’t believe they allowed this. I was…9, maybe?


  4. My husband went through a long spell where he couldn’t bring home the Diet Dr. Pepper that he liked – it was always the regular Dr. Pepper. The cans are different colors even! I finally made him go start returning it. It still took a few more months before he made sure he was bringing the right one.

    It’s not just cabbage vs. lettuce. It’s also cucumbers vs. zucchini. And cucumber bread is not as tasty as zucchini bread no matter how you spin the story.

    Thanks for the laughter!


  5. LOL….but I’m not laughing AT you…the story is so funny and well told. I thought you would say sanitary napkins or something 😉 I couldn’t tell lettuce and cabbage apart till I was in my late teens 😉


  6. Scared of lettuce … you are priceless – but there is labels on the shelves saying what is what. Trauma???!!! If you were a snail .. no problems, you would have loved both.
    Wonderful funny. Very hard not to like you, Colleen.


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