When I was younger my mom used to send me to the store. A lot. I was the oldest girl. Probably the most responsible person on the face of the earth at the age of ten. You wouldn’t send someone irresponsible to the store. Right?
Usually it was for eggs. Or bread. Or diapers. I can’t tell you how many billions of diapers I carried home, on top of my head, for the young siblings. I kept their butts dry. They should be a bit more grateful about that.
There is one thing I dreaded having to go to the store to get.
Dreaded.
You would have thought that after so many attempts at doing this, and failing, she would have given up asking.
But no.
She continued to put this pressure on me.
And no, it was not to try and buy her wine. Come on.
This is how it would go:
Colleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A quick responding Colleen would say “yes mom, what do you need me for?”
I need you to go to the store to get some things.
Immediately I would sweat.
Get a loaf of bread, shoot, we need milk, just get a quart, and….
Please don’t say it please don’t say it please don’t say it.
And lettuce.
My eyes would tear up. I kid you not. Tears. Tears for my fears. Because I knew what she would say and why she was going to say it.
And for God’s sake do NOT bring home cabbage again. Lettuce. Lettuce. Not cabbage.
You have no idea how often this happened. No. Idea.
To this day I have an automatic sweat response standing in front of the heads of lettuce and cabbage.
I never asked my kids to pick up lettuce. Ever.
So that’s why I buy all the groceries. Lettuce phobia.
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I’m not scared of lettuce. I’m scared of not knowing which is lettuce and which is cabbage.
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Issues…. YOU have iSSUES
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Uhm…..thanks? I think? No issues. Just fun spin on silly memories.
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Hah that was great. The suspense was killing me.
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THE Ron Swanson? I kept YOU in suspense? Wow. 🙂 Thanks for reading my little blog.
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Oh, nooooooooooo.
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Right? Horrifying.
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“Aaaaaand! Lettuce!”
Dun! dun! Duuuun!
I could picture that as part of a sitcom.
I used to dread picking up cigarettes for my parents when I turned eighteen because I didn’t want people to think I smoked. Same thing occurred when I turned twenty-one for an obvious reason.
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🙂 Ha, I heard the music as I read it!!!!! Feel free to use this in your first sitcom screen play. 🙂
I hear you. And you KNOW most people DID think it was you you were buying it for. It’s rough, sometimes.
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lol!! I am reminded of years ago when my husband requested a certain music CD for his birthday. I went to a music store and picked up a Smashing Pumpkins CD. Turns out he’d never heard of Smashing Pumpkins (it was their first album). What he wanted was the Blind Melon CD. Melons, pumpkins…they’re all gourds to me. Oh, and let’s not forget the time I cooked a honeydew melon thinking it was a spaghetti squash. You don’t want to know what honeydew smells like when it bakes for an hour. 😉
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Oh geez, you and MY Husband! I told him I loved the Irish Tenors and he got me “the” tenors. I wasn’t sure why……
Your cooking the honey dew beats my cabbage, hands down! 🙂
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I was laughing so hard because I thought you were going to say Kotex. For real CABBAGE!
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Oh Lordy, don’t get me started on having to buy kotex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂 And for real, cabbage.
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Ok now you got me wondering if it is anything like HWH bringing home birth control in his lunch box after I had Jared.
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HAHA! How the heck did he get THAT!!!!!
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No they didn’t have a dispenser in the bathroom, he was on second shift and stopped before he went in to work. I was mad because he left them in his lunch box because his car door wouldn’t lock and he was afraid somebody would steal them.
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Well, I hope you were expecting them. It would be quite the surprise to open the spouse’s lunch box and see birth control there! 🙂
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I thought she was going to say Kotex and or tampons! I didn’t like going to the store to buy either one!
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Me either. I don’t care how comfortable the world is with that. I am NOT. 😉
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That is exactly what I thought too.
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I’m a little embarrassed to say that not all that long ago, if not paying attention, I have been known to pick up a head of green cabbage and mistake if for lettuce. Is it in our genes?
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Well I’m not embarrassed for you! It just goes to show how much they look alike. It’s not our fault Paulette. 🙂
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HA!! This is the greatest little tidbit. My mother used to send me to the corner store with a written note that said I was allowed to pick up her cigarettes. I couldn’t believe they allowed this. I was…9, maybe?
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I have heard this from others! Can you imagine doing that today????
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Not at all!!! And I’m only 25 (well, in 9 days!) – it wasn’t THAT long ago but times have changed in such a drastic way already!
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In some ways, for the better. I’m happy to know stores won’t accept notes any more for kids to buy cigarettes. 😉
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My husband went through a long spell where he couldn’t bring home the Diet Dr. Pepper that he liked – it was always the regular Dr. Pepper. The cans are different colors even! I finally made him go start returning it. It still took a few more months before he made sure he was bringing the right one.
It’s not just cabbage vs. lettuce. It’s also cucumbers vs. zucchini. And cucumber bread is not as tasty as zucchini bread no matter how you spin the story.
Thanks for the laughter!
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Cucumber bread!!!! THAT is classic. I’m so relieved, truly relieved, that I was not the only one doing this. 🙂
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I thought it was going to be pads…lol
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Funny, when I wrote this that never occurred to me (though I had to get those as well on occasion). The deepest fear was lettuce.
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LOL!!
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LOL….but I’m not laughing AT you…the story is so funny and well told. I thought you would say sanitary napkins or something 😉 I couldn’t tell lettuce and cabbage apart till I was in my late teens 😉
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What I’m starting to discover from everyone’s feedback is that it was NOT me but the true fault lie in the heads of lettuce and cabbage DID LOOK ALIKE. 🙂
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Mine was bread. I hated to pick up bread for my mom because she wanted a certain type and I always got it wrong. Why did she keep asking?
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She probably thought there is NO possible way I will do it AGAIN!!!!! In all honesty I can’t believe how many times I did do it.
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Colleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen! Now I know where you get it from!!!! Lol
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Ha! 😉 Oh Koji, you make me laugh. 🙂
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WHC!!!! Oh man, this one really had me going!! Great memory!!
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🙂 Not nearly as good as Bency’s!!!! 🙂
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Thank you for the laugh.
I am sorry I laughed at your trauma…
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🙂 NO sorry’s necessary! You may laugh at my trauma. I am ! 🙂
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😀
I know – otherwise you wouldn’t have written about it – but I still feel bad.
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Well, maybe we should re-categorize this as…life’s silliness. Remove the trauma and leave the laughs. 😉
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Good idea! 🙂
The best part of these little traumas is that we can laugh about them afterwards.
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Exactly! 🙂
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Scared of lettuce … you are priceless – but there is labels on the shelves saying what is what. Trauma???!!! If you were a snail .. no problems, you would have loved both.
Wonderful funny. Very hard not to like you, Colleen.
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🙂 Thank you Viveka. I smiled quite joyfully reading that!!!! It did have labels. I am sure it did, or would have. Maybe I didn’t believe the labels? Heaven knows I could read. I really don’t know how I managed this, every single time. 🙂
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It’s maybe like with me .. when I got a persons name wrong .. I can never get it right again, so don’t worry .. you’re normal. *smile
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I NEVER get the names right. Ever. It’s a block in my head. Names don’t get through.
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Glad I’m not alone … with that defect *laughing. It’s a nightmare. One time wrong – always wrong.
Many years ago we had a chicken porter – the headchef called him one name … I called him one name – and the waiters call him for a 3rd name – none of them was right, but he answered on all of them. *smile
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I love that story!!!!! 🙂
I can’t get any names right. Ever. Ah well. I hope people forgive me!
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Most do, because they know us … but some are getting annoyed – their problem.
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I couldn’t even tell you the names of the people who get annoyed! 🙂
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Good … we truly don’t need to know their names.
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Heh heh. I did a search for Cabbage vs. Lettuce – I found an article and was reading…and OH. MY. GOD. They kept mixing up the words hahahaha.
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Irish Katie I feel so validated!!!! So it’s NOT JUST ME!!!! Thank yoU! 🙂
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Errrr…they were confusing their spelling…I do not think the writer broke out in a sweat. *smirkles*
I am so mean. *grins*
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As long as they were confused about the whole thing it still seems supportive!!!!!!
😉 Smirkles and grins appreciated equally. Kind of like lettuce and cabbage.
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Hmmmmmm, well, if I knew for sure what you were saying Enrico I might agree, or laugh, or be offended. Can you give me a hint? 😉
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