Death Is Not Final

Life is tough.

My daughter sent me a text.  Her husband’s best friend died last night.  In his sleep.  In his twenties.  He was to be married next week.

No matter the plans we make.  No regard given to the people we love.   We have no control.  Our lives are a gift.  And we don’t know for how long.

I struggle with the idea that I can sit here and think.  And without warning, my thoughts will end.

Death is not final.

Not for those left behind.

And not for those who have gone on (my personal belief).

The changes here are forever felt.

The changes There are unknown to us here.

Death is a surprise.

And yet we know it will happen.

Death seems cruel.

But we all have the same fate of it.

Death is natural.

But how do you makes sense of it for a young wife to be, or the tiny child, left behind.

Death happens every day.

And every day we are surprised by death.

And for every death,

We don’t know what to say.

Or how to comfort.

But our hearts ache.

And our sympathies weep.

Life is tough.

With the chaos of death.

61 thoughts on “Death Is Not Final

  1. I hate hearing stories like that. It is really tragic and such a sad way for a life to end so soon. I am sorry to hear about that. Life is a rough road and we just need to keep our heads up and keep pushing forward. Best of luck with everything.

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  2. Tragic.

    As you say, we all know it’s coming but that never makes it easier. It can be the times that life is ripped away in a flash that are the heaviest blows.

    All I would ask for is the luxury of a few moments with my loved ones to say what needs to be said.

    Some beautiful words

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    • Thanks Steven. You speak directly to my fears. My father passed away, totally unexpected, in his sleep. It literally keeps me awake at night. I don’t fear death. But I am in no hurry for it. And what bothers me, is dying without saying what I want to say. And to that end…I have a secret so it never happens.

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      • Do reveal….

        If I was to hazard a guess then the secret is to say how you feel every opportunity you get. It may well be your last.

        That’s just a guess but knowing you I reckon I can’t be far from the truth.

        I certainly don’t fear death either but I don’t welcome it, not quite yet. Maybe the day will come when it is more appealing option than suffering the pain that will come in my later years (I think about my 93-year-old grandmother who after a stroke has no quality of life and openly looks forward to passing away) but for now I am grateful for reminders, like this post, to cherish every moment.

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        • Your guess is partially true. I do my best to share the love every time I am leaving the ones I love.

          But I do something else….. if this wasn’t public I would tell you.

          My husband and I were discussing this after we were told of this young man’s passing. I am tormented by what my father would have wanted to say, if he thought the last time he saw us was just that. It’s the leaving other’s behind that is so difficult to contemplate. And always wondering what dad would have said.

          I think I understand what your grandmother must feel (as much as I can without being in her situation). I’ve had people tell me this before, that they are ready to go.

          And like you, All of this plays in to be mindful of our reminders.

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  3. Colleen, how sad … such a young life, when children and young people dies it feels so unfair – it must have been a medical issue that nobody has detected in time, but still so unfair – his life hadn’t began really.
    My first boyfriend was killed in a car accident when he just turned 21 – his own fault, he drove too fast – but still unfair.
    So true that death don’t mean that the person don’t isn’t no longer with us. It’s us that is left behind that has to make the person to stay alive with us.
    And as Josh Groban sings – that it’s only a breath between them we lost and us.

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    • I like that line of Josh Groban’s… it says so very much.

      Your first boyfriend? How tragic. I know of people who died young, I hear the stories even if I did not know them. Like Zach Sobiech.. And I think of them often.

      And though I know comfort offered is much appreciated it seems like when we offer it, it seems so little…

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      • I know … but we can only be there if needed … grief is a really a selfish feeling, because we are not able to talk, touch or be around the them anymore.
        Sitting by my mum now that has been quite ill the last two days – but on recovery .. we had the doctor here this evening after 2 unsettled days for her. 91 and she said yesterday that the old engine has problems. *smile

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  4. I use to have a fear of dying although I do not anymore. I do believe depending on the way we are raised, our culture…we are taught their is death and yet we are taught there is life after we die. To me this is a contradiction. Do we die or do we live, which one? I now view death is of the body. I see myself as a spiritual being inhabiting a physical body. I never die only the body. I also see we come to this world to learn, grow and experience life through these bodies. We come to help each other during our own learning and growing and for some beings our time here is shorter than others but it’s not the end of our connection with those who happen to leave before us. Someone whom I was married to and spent most of my adult life with physically left here three years ago. I can still cry and have certain feelings come up although I am learning and growing from all this and I’m grateful for what this beautiful being has taught me. He is a gift as we all are. 🙂

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    • When I think about dying, the hardest part for me to consider is that the life of me, the thoughts and feelings, the things the body does not produce…would end. If I believed that. Like you, I believe other wise. It is our vessel here that ends.

      I’m sorry for your loss here. Because even though I believe along the lines of what you do…it’s still a loss, while we are here.

      I’m glad you had the gift of this beautiful human being.

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  5. In his 20s? To be married? In his sleep?

    You’ve got it in one Colleen, life IS tough. I can’t imagine how his young bride to be feels – her grief, her grief…

    Oh, Colleen. I thank life, I am here now today.

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    • It is so difficult to think about Noeleen. And how many of us stop in these tragic moments of others lives, with a prayer for them, and that cold chill of “it could be any of us”. I too, am thankful for today.

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  6. Thanks mom 🙂 this was very nice. It’s so hard to find the words to say to her. It doesn’t seem real. 😦 it’s just so unfair that he had to go. I know that people say its their time to go, but theres no way it could have been his time already 😦 </3

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  7. Beautifully said – my heart goes out to the young fiancee and his parents and your daughter. Although death is a part of life and I agree it is not final – there is a promise and hope of eternal life, but that doesn’t take the ache away, the emptiness and void. But it does give us courage and strength to face another day.

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    • I was hoping to relay that in some way, but you just clearly stated what I was feeling. Thank you for that. And thank you for sharing when I know this is such a difficult time for you.

      I hope your courage and strength are helping through these days. I can’t imagine yours, or this young bride to be’s, ache. I just feel for anyone with that ache.

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  8. Sometimes, sudden natural death is so cruel, yes…and it always seem to happen to nice folks… To your neighbor or friend… but rarely to those selling chemical death on street corners at 2 o’clock in the morning. That is depressing to me. Or am I as cruel as death?

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    • I don’t think it makes you cruel to wonder that. It doesn’t seem “right” to us that someone who works hard, loves his child and bride to be and trying to do right in the world is just….gone. But then someone who actively inflicts harm remains… It does seem unfair. I get that.

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  9. THis is just incredibly tragic. I’m so sorry! I can’t imagine how shocking this would be. You’re right about death being “every day” and yet we’re always caught off guard. We never expect it at any age, but in his twenties? Unfathomable. This would really throw an entire group of young people off and be upsetting to each of them. Usually at this age we think we’re invincible. So sorry, Colleen.

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  10. how sad – my heart really does go out to them.
    As awful as my dad’s fight against cancer was, it at least allowed us all to say our goodbyes.

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  11. So sad and just not fair. Makes me appreciate even more the people in my life. We take for granted that we all will have a long life and it’s moments like these that we’re shocked into the reality that we may not even have tomorrow.

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