I needed something funny to laugh about. So I went back to this old, and very true story of mine.
Did I ever tell you about the snake in my house?
I don’t want to make myself look all girly and such, but it happened. And it still freaks me out.
Many years ago, in another land, with another husband, and with young children, I lived out in the country, up on a hill. No lie, I really did. One fine day we had gone to a pond with some of the kids to go fishing. The kids packed little duffel bags with toys and books and such. There was plenty of room to play. We spent an afternoon fishing and eating and for some, avoiding fishing, but playing. Things were scattered all about. It was a private pond so we had the entire place to ourselves.
Later in the evening we went home. Everything was carried in to the house.
Kids got showers. Dinner was done. Dishes were done. I was walking the long hallway, in the dark, to the living room. I could see a belt on the floor and bent to pick it up. Instinct told me, wait, the kids don’t wear belts. I know where my belts were. And the husband of the time would not have thrown his belt on the floor in the hallway.
I back pedaled, quickly, to the light switch. Flipped it.
And FLIPPED OUT.
There lie a frigging SNAKE.
Oh man I can barely even write this.
I started screaming like a girl. I know I am one, shut up!
The kids started screaming, even though they were in their rooms and didn’t know why I was screaming.
The husband of the time wanted to know what my problem was. He stepped to the hallway and turned and ran the other way!
I could not believe it!
But give him credit, it was to retrieve his weapon of choice.
I stepped in to my office, and I’m ashamed to admit this, jumped up on my desk. The kids were still screaming. By now, hearing me screaming “it’s a snake, get it” like a mantra for survival.
I picked up the phone from the desk, because I was going to try and climb the walls and hang from the ceiling. And I needed to let someone know how I died of panic.
Suddenly I start hearing “thud thud thud”. And cussing. Which I won’t repeat here. I called my friend, my co-worker at the time. Julie answered the phone. I’m still panic stricken and yelling at her that there’s a snake in my house. And bless her heart. You know what she did? She started yelling, letting me know she was pulling her legs up and getting up on her chair. Then she tells me that where there is “a” snake there are TWO.
Yes, she told me that. And was quite serious.
There was continued thudding from the living room, where the snake had slithered to. I kept yelling at him to get it out of here! He kept yelling at the snake.
The kids were terrified.
And now I was sure there was another snake. Do I go look, to protect the kids? Hell no! I stayed on the desk.
I kept yelling at the kids. “Everything’s okay”. Not a one of us believed it. They were yelling if there were more.
How the hell do I know? Okay, in all honesty I did not say that. But it’s what I was thinking.
I was still trying to scale the walls.
There was still thudding going on. For crying out loud pick it up and get it out. I did yell that. He told me to come out and pick it up if I thought anyone was going to do that.
So much for chivalry.
I just wanted it done quicker.
Oh, Julie is still on the phone. Yelling with me. Then she started laughing. Of course I saw the humor in this. But panic was first and foremost my reaction of the moment. I got off of the phone with Julie.
Silence echoed from the living room.
“Did you get it?” I yelled.
“Yeah, you want to see it?” He asks.
In plain English my interpretation of what I said was “no”.
The kids meanwhile are still looking around, and probably perched on something high. Like me. I could not make myself step off of that desk.
When I realized someone had to be the adult I waited for him to take the snake out of the house. I checked on the kids. I think we all shaved a minute or two off of our lives that night.
We spent the next two years looking for that other damn snake.
And an FYI: do not ever take duffel bags, book bags, brown paper bags, or other such nonsense that snakes can crawl in to, with you when you go fishing.
Every bag in the house that night was thrown outside.
31 thoughts on “That Other Damn Snake Is Still Out There”
Fun story. We had a snake in our house a few years back. Woke us up in the middle of the night, as if a burglar was in the house. It was crawling up the wall and into a shell with dusty knick-knacks. That was an interesting surprise. But I live in Texas; we have a “snake-catcher”. A long pole with a loop on the end. I’m sure you won’t need one; your second snake (if ever there was one, slithered out of the house screaming the night his mate was disposed of). :O)
I hope that the ‘other’ snake went screaming in to the night! And if I ever live in a place where I need a snake catcher I will be loony with fear within a week. 😉 So who found the snake in your house?
It’s funny, Colleen, you flipped it at a SNAKE, but you didn’t even say how big it is!! I can only imagine it was an enormous boa constrictor!!
What a funny commotion followed – I can so imagine it – & you imagining another!!
Thanks for the laugh! 🙂
IT HAD TO BE HUGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If memory serves correct it was probably 10 inches around and fifty feet long. In my head any way! 😉
You are funny, Colleen! And you’re as ‘girly’ as the rest of us! I’d have been on the next bus out of town!
The Snake Escape Express.
I have my ticket at the ready Yaz. 😉
Thanks for starting my day out with a hardy laugh.
Colleen, I have my own snake story (I hate sankes) and I screamed like a girl too!!!! Take care, Bill
Share it, oh please share it Bill! 🙂
I am laughing so hard right now. Calling on the phone makes perfect sense to me. You never want to die alone.
EXACTLY!!!!! It made sense at the time! 🙂
You have me grinning… not only that.. you wrote that well! I thoroughly enjoyed reading about your ‘snake’ experience! Someone Skip knew found one under the glass coffee table… she got her gun… and shot ‘through the glass’!!! Oh, I knew someone’s wife who shot a hole in the bed, when a snake went under their bed! :)))
Now I AM LAUGHING! I totally understand the shots being fired in this. Thanks GG/G. 🙂
This is fan-freaking-funny and hilarious to boot but I wouldn’t change places with your for ANY-thing. In your place, I would have climbed those walls like a centipede. Ick! Glad that went well. 😀
🙂 If I only had had a way at the time to record the husband’s exclamations! That would have been great background music to this story. 🙂
*laughs out loud*
Good one! I’da jumped up on that table also! 🙂
I love how I left the kids in their rooms!!! But the office was the closest room to me.
ahahahahahahahahahaha!! for the record, it’s not true of snakes that if there’s one, there’s more. it was probably brought in from your trip! Hubby said he would not only have saved you from it, he would have been playing with it!
I appreciate your Hubby’s response. Sadly mine was as scared of it as I was. As long as he took it out of the house I wouldn’t have cared!!! 😉
In plain English my interpretation of what I said was “no”. Haha! Classic.
😉 Glad you caught that one.
It may sound funny now but I bet I was darn scary. OMG.
Yes it was, and I am pretty sure the kids were laughing that day. Though none of us slept for a month waiting for that other snake!
I wish I could hear this story in person! I bet it’s been one retold plenty of times around the kitchen table! So funny! I don’t blame you one bit! We had a similar instance with a bat infestation in our house and I have to say I acted very similar to you…I am glad I never almost mistook one for a belt though!
Oh I don’t know what stopped me from picking it up. I don’t think I would have survived that. 😉 One day I’ll tell the bat story. 🙂
We now know you are the true (hidden) wife of Indiana Jones…Quite a pair you two would make indeed. But he packs a .38 revolver…and nothing but thud, thud, thud… Hmmm… Something is amiss here. Oh well. Maybe he was out of bullets like in the movie.
The thud thud thud I heard was the broom hitting the floor. I’m pretty sure the bullets would have missed too. And I can sympathize with I. Jones!
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