I Believe It’s His Choice

I like the way my brain works.   Even if it has no basis in fact, or correctness.  Or reality.

Sometimes, admittedly, I tell myself things to be able to get through the day.  The moment.  The reality of what is.

Right now I believe that while a man lies unconnected to us, he is connected to some one, some where, else.   I believe he is in conversation with beings we cannot see and cannot hear.

And his conversation is focusing on where he is right now, and where he goes from here.

Does he come back here and face the untold and unknown road of hard, harder than we know, work to recover.

Or does he say goodbye to us here to join those he is in conversation with.

I believe it is his choice.

And I believe he has not yet made that choice.  That’s why he’s not fully gone.  And he’s not fully here.

In my belief system there is room for everyone’s beliefs.  I certainly don’t expect others to agree with me or even understand me.  But I do believe.  I believe that when we are here and unable to communicate with those who are waiting for us, conversations are still being held.  In the mind, in another realm, in another existence all together.

I believe that when a baby smiles in their sleep it is because angels are talking to them.

I believe when we ask angels to surround those we love and protect them, guard them, or just talk to them…that angels do that.

I believe when we are not fully here, we are somewhere else, making a decision.  And it’s not easy.   Come back here where others are praying for you and watching over you.  Maybe not even having known there was this much love possible here.  Or go home, to where there is no pain and no suffering.   But there are others here….still calling out to you.

These things give me comfort.  And I believe in them.

When we mere mortals are handed the responsibility of not being able to do anything but love someone we are often times being handed a situation we are not equipped for.  The ‘do nothing’ situations are not a norm.   This period that I have come to know as Living Grief is not something we deal well with.  We cannot grieve the loss of our loved one because he is here.  We cannot predict what it is we can do to help him because we don’t know what the outcome will be.

We are grieving the life in suspension.

We don’t know what to do when we can do nothing.

I’m well aware that the belief’s I have may  be something that I have created to be able to deal with my humanity and our mortality.

And I’m fine with that.

29 thoughts on “I Believe It’s His Choice

  1. I see others beliefs and I think they are such a help in difficult times. I have no faith and believe in nature only, but I have encouraged my friend to go back to her beliefs in order to get some sort of help and comfort at this very hard time for her.
    Lovely post. I hope he makes a decision soon.


    • Thank you Tric. I think for as many billions of us that inhabit this orb, there’s plenty of room for different beliefs. I hope your friend has something to help her. It sounds like she does. Her belief system may just be called “friends”.


  2. “I’m well aware that the belief’s I have may very well be something that I have created to be able to deal with my humanity and our mortality.”
    I love this sentence. I think this is a great definition for religion.


  3. I like the way your brain works also.

    Been doing nursing for many years, some oncology years before becoming an NP. Have seen on more than one occasion when a person is near the end they can wake out of a coma state and talk about chatting with loved ones on the other side.

    Just wanted to share that with you. Up to everyone to make out of it what they will. I believe that’s an individual’s business.

    Love from all of your friends over here this end.


  4. Colleen, I do believe that when a person is in a comma they do infact hear, and maybe understand. But at a minimum I believe our voice is comforting to them. And like you, I fully subscribe to the concept that there is in fact room for everyone’s believes, and I greatly appreciate your values that you place in the beliefs of others. Take care, Bill


  5. Yes, well, too, all of you waiting and watching are being questioned quietly, if you are able to attend to that within the grief of waiting, there might also be important discourse for each one of you to have. I believe that prayers of letting go and the granting of forgiveness will also help. The lantern is lit, the cup is raised. I wish that there was something more that I could do to help all of you.


    • Your comment was beautiful and appreciated. I think there is something to what you are saying. There is something important for all of us, within this. Wow, just this whole statement. So much to it. Thank you.


  6. Chatter Master (and Husband), what a extensive and influential piece this is… Your “brain” is so profound. And I feel your brain waves from afar. Thanks for sharing your feelings about a certain someone and his place in thought.


  7. I’m sorry you are having to go through this. I know it’s hard. I lost my dad about a year ago. He was in a coma for about a month before I had to make the decision to take him off of life support. I never really thought that he would be having conversations with beings on another plane. I don’t know why, because I believe that those beings do exist. I suppose now that he was. I know that I felt his spirit hovering near me in the hospital room right after he died. I felt it so strongly that I was compelled to say out loud some things that I had never said to him by way of apology. I don’t know if it was more for him or me. I think he’s still hanging around me sometimes. I have his dogtags hanging from the rearview mirror in my car. Sometimes they sway when the car is not moving and there is no air/heat on and sometimes the windsheild wipers come on suddenly when I haven’t turned them on (brand new car). This post made me want to cry and it made me feel better all at the same time. So, thank you. I hope that you can find some closure in this situation one way or the other. I will pray for you. I hope that’s ok.


    • Thank you Ribbons, for sharing that. I remember your dad’s passing. And I’m glad that this helped you feel better, even with a cry. And it is certainly okay for you to pray for us. I appreciate that you want to share your faith and comfort. I believe in the things you shared about your dad. The same kind of things happened with us. And these things gave us comfort as well.


  8. This sounds like a really very difficult time. I’m so sorry. My “brain” and beliefs run very similarly, and I find comfort in those beliefs. How wonderful that you have have each other to hold onto in such rough waters. ox


  9. Hi Colleen 🙂

    I’m deliberately not mentioning me getting work on my blog because I’m positive my bosses in the old place viewed my blog and after they did what they did, I don’t want them to “rest assured” that now I’ve found work. Unkind sentiment of me, I know.

    Actually I saw someone from the old workplace in the supermarket recently and she said “They got rid of Ward, just like they did you.” Ward was a patent attorney, capable as all the rest – and apparently retrenched all of a sudden. She then said she thinks “They’re up to something” and she morale was low… & she had resigned!!

    I found a full time job in a law firm only a few suburbs away – not the city, which I SO didn’t want to do. It’s great to work in the suburbs. Yet, Colleen, I so much don’t want to be doing office work. I have fallen into the safe, safe again. Really, I must earn so as to afford Daniel. Next year is his last year of school. So, as for a career change – perhaps going to uni or getting PART time work, I will wait until he’s left school. I had started dreaming of doing that when I got retrenched, but I just don’t have the guts and dare to NOT take a safe 9-5 five days a week. I really have lost my passion for the office though.

    Thanks for your interest 🙂 xx


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