May 19, 2011 I wrote this:
Today I drew this.
I have battled this for a very long time.
I battle it still.
How do you walk away from the doing of something that changed your life?
Even at my best I was never the best.
And that was okay.
I was better than when I started.
And still am.
Now I am not at my physical best.
Things have broken.
Things have been repaired.
But things cannot be restored.
With the loss of one
Comes the loss of passion.
I’ve lost passion knowing I can no longer be better.
I honor, cherish, respect and depend on what I have learned and acquired.
I’ve taken the first step away.
By giving myself permission-
To walk away.
If that is what I need to do.
Holding on seems to be painful.
The thought of letting go is painful.
It’s not a matter of which hurts more.
It’s a matter of which pain I choose to deal with.
Life moves on.