Daily Archives: January 2, 2014

Unspoken

I’m reading a book.  Third book in less than seven days.  Why do I ever exist without a book in my hands?

This book’s story centers around things not said and how these things not said have affected/effected generations of a family.

Some people call them secrets.

Some people just prefer to be “private”.

While I’m reading I’m wondering why we leave things unsaid.  Why the secrets?   Why do we program ourselves and our world to leave things unsaid?

**Dreams unspoken.

**Questions unasked.

** Thoughts unshared.

**Fears and pains unburdened.

What good comes from being stoic?  Isn’t passion, fear, joy, uncertainty, hope, excitement the very things that move us?  Motivate us?

In reading this book I kept thinking to myself…just tell one another the truths!  In the telling of the truths things would have been understood.  Misunderstood actions seen as inflicted pains to others would have taken on an entirely new dimension.  And where people were angry with one another….with the truth there would have been a rally of support and protection.

In my life I didn’t speak.   I remained quiet.  And surely along the path I took others thought me to be quite different than how I actually felt.  Than how I actually was.

I believe in dreams.  In having them.  In having fun imagining and wondering how the dream could play out.  How it could impact my life and/or others.  I have dreams and I will talk of them.  I will say them.  I have the option to take action and pursue dreams.  Or use them as mood lifters and inspiration.  Dreams are free.  And they can be used in whatever manner the dreamer wants.

I don’t think people who have been hurt should be expected to be stoic about such things.  If others have inflicted hurts on them they should be able to speak of them.  Even if it makes others uncomfortable.  Those who are made uncomfortable, they should say so.   Who has ever listened to a story of pain and felt uncomfortable and struggled for what to say?  I have.  If I’m uncomfortable by the pain another has experienced I can just say…. I don’t know what to say.  And I’m sorry for such pain.  Because I am.   When we encourage bad things to go unspoken, we encourage it to never end.

I admire people who speak up and say “I don’t know what that means” or “can you explain that to me?”  Why am I embarrassed to ask questions?  Why am I hesitant to let others know that I don’t know something, that I don’t understand something?   I can’t remember any occasion other than high school geometry where I was made to feel ‘bad’ for asking a question.  All other experiences have taught me that people like to teach one another.  People are generous with their knowledge.  And none of us knows absolutely everything.

I have a brain that never stops.  It churns and revolves without rest.  My thoughts interrupt conversations because they burst out of my head.   My thoughts get noted down in the oddest places because I want to remember it or come back to it.  My thoughts are sometimes so loud that for some reason I have to share them.   Whether others feel the importance of my thoughts is something I can’t control.   But all of us have some thoughts that should indeed be shared.

I didn’t speak as a child.  So I wrote.  I didn’t dare acknowledge dreams until I was much older so now I dream with the freedom of a true dreamer.  I didn’t dare share my thoughts because I thought them of no value to others so I lost many a wonderful thought I had by locking it away.  I carried fears and burdens far too long.  Wearing down muscle and will.   It wasn’t until I lay down the weight of these fears and burdens that I could build up the muscle and will of adventure, joy and the freedom to be.

Now I speak.  😉 Oft times too much.

Now I share my thoughts.  😉 Some cheerful, prayerful, considerate or angry.  But I set them free.

Now I ask.  😉 Silly as it may seem that some of these things I don’t yet know.

Now I dream.  😉 Dreams I pursue, or dreams I play with for fun and inspiration.

Unspoken will never be lived by me again.

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