Unspoken

I’m reading a book.  Third book in less than seven days.  Why do I ever exist without a book in my hands?

This book’s story centers around things not said and how these things not said have affected/effected generations of a family.

Some people call them secrets.

Some people just prefer to be “private”.

While I’m reading I’m wondering why we leave things unsaid.  Why the secrets?   Why do we program ourselves and our world to leave things unsaid?

**Dreams unspoken.

**Questions unasked.

** Thoughts unshared.

**Fears and pains unburdened.

What good comes from being stoic?  Isn’t passion, fear, joy, uncertainty, hope, excitement the very things that move us?  Motivate us?

In reading this book I kept thinking to myself…just tell one another the truths!  In the telling of the truths things would have been understood.  Misunderstood actions seen as inflicted pains to others would have taken on an entirely new dimension.  And where people were angry with one another….with the truth there would have been a rally of support and protection.

In my life I didn’t speak.   I remained quiet.  And surely along the path I took others thought me to be quite different than how I actually felt.  Than how I actually was.

I believe in dreams.  In having them.  In having fun imagining and wondering how the dream could play out.  How it could impact my life and/or others.  I have dreams and I will talk of them.  I will say them.  I have the option to take action and pursue dreams.  Or use them as mood lifters and inspiration.  Dreams are free.  And they can be used in whatever manner the dreamer wants.

I don’t think people who have been hurt should be expected to be stoic about such things.  If others have inflicted hurts on them they should be able to speak of them.  Even if it makes others uncomfortable.  Those who are made uncomfortable, they should say so.   Who has ever listened to a story of pain and felt uncomfortable and struggled for what to say?  I have.  If I’m uncomfortable by the pain another has experienced I can just say…. I don’t know what to say.  And I’m sorry for such pain.  Because I am.   When we encourage bad things to go unspoken, we encourage it to never end.

I admire people who speak up and say “I don’t know what that means” or “can you explain that to me?”  Why am I embarrassed to ask questions?  Why am I hesitant to let others know that I don’t know something, that I don’t understand something?   I can’t remember any occasion other than high school geometry where I was made to feel ‘bad’ for asking a question.  All other experiences have taught me that people like to teach one another.  People are generous with their knowledge.  And none of us knows absolutely everything.

I have a brain that never stops.  It churns and revolves without rest.  My thoughts interrupt conversations because they burst out of my head.   My thoughts get noted down in the oddest places because I want to remember it or come back to it.  My thoughts are sometimes so loud that for some reason I have to share them.   Whether others feel the importance of my thoughts is something I can’t control.   But all of us have some thoughts that should indeed be shared.

I didn’t speak as a child.  So I wrote.  I didn’t dare acknowledge dreams until I was much older so now I dream with the freedom of a true dreamer.  I didn’t dare share my thoughts because I thought them of no value to others so I lost many a wonderful thought I had by locking it away.  I carried fears and burdens far too long.  Wearing down muscle and will.   It wasn’t until I lay down the weight of these fears and burdens that I could build up the muscle and will of adventure, joy and the freedom to be.

Now I speak.  😉 Oft times too much.

Now I share my thoughts.  😉 Some cheerful, prayerful, considerate or angry.  But I set them free.

Now I ask.  😉 Silly as it may seem that some of these things I don’t yet know.

Now I dream.  😉 Dreams I pursue, or dreams I play with for fun and inspiration.

Unspoken will never be lived by me again.

48 thoughts on “Unspoken

  1. Colleen, glad you have chosen to speak, share your thoughts, and dream. How liberating! On the flip side, one’s ability and commitment to listen, understand, and accommodate are equally important and complimentary. Collectively, it’s a symphony. 🙂 A thoughtful and pleasant post.

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  2. To be able to speak unhindered of what is fully on your mind or what you are feeling, you have a grand skill that some of us – many of us – do not possess. And to be able to communicate those things without malice and with thoughtfulness would be (almost) better than winning Powerball… 🙂 Happy New Year, Chatter Master.

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    • 🙂 Thank you Koji. I try to express without insulting. Because my feelings don’t mean someone else’s feelings don’t matter. And often our feelings are not mutual.

      Thank you for saying this. 🙂 And happy new year my friend.

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  3. Colleen, Sometimes in books the things unsaid, lay the plot, sometimes in life the things unsaid don’t hurt. There is a lot that goes unsaid or unasked to avoid the pain that will either come from the answer or the pain forced by hearing the question. Whole relationships could/would be forever changed by the unsaid. What might be tolerable now could become untolerable after saying what was unsaid. Mostly the unsaid things reflect things that have a negative impact, rarely a positive impact. The greatest majority of people don’t leave things unsaid if it positive, most of that same vast majority will keep things unsaid if they know they are hurtful. Or fear the storm that comes from saying the unsaid. — please take care, Bill

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    • Good Morning Bill! 🙂

      I can’t argue with your logic. It makes sense. And I agree with the choice to not say things to avoid hurting others. I’ve done it, and will continue to do that.

      Here, I speak of the things that go unsaid because of fear or pain or intimidation. I reference specifically when I was a child and molested. I didn’t say anything because of fear. And not saying anything then altered my life tremendously. And it took years and years for me to feel confident about anything in regard to self. It took years for me to accept that I could share thoughts and ideas and actually have dreams. In this book I am reading it is a thread of things not said, that greatly impact the characters and rob them of very important people and relationships. There are many things not said, that enable those horrid cycles of abuse and hurt to continue.

      I appreciate your take on this, perception is a many splendid thing! Sometimes when I write I get so focused on my “thought” that provoked a writing, that I forget it may seem different in another’s eyes.

      🙂 Thank you Bill. 🙂

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      • Colleen, soft smile, my friend I never want to argue with you, LOL I am not prepared for that. But on the matter before us, I feel we are talking about the same thing in different ways. I completely understand what your saying regarding your situation and the fear and intimidation. I agree totally that people love sharing their knowledge, and that not one single individual knows everything. In looking at my comment I can see I didn’t make the point I wanted to make, and even now I don’t have the words to make my point clearer. As I said I believe we are saying the same thing only yours makes sense LOL. Please take care — Bill

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        • Ah Bill. 🙂 This is the BEST part of blogging. The communication. Actually, I think your comment was right on target.

          What is that saying? Two sides of the same coin? I think we are doing that. I am more than happy for your comments.

          I could easily see where you were coming from and thought you said it VERY well.

          I’m all ears (eyes actually) for any comments you want to leave, or clarify, or share.

          🙂 And if we ever need to argue (I don’t see that happening!) I’m all in for the fun of that! 😉

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  4. Words left unspoken can hurt too, and deeply. The first that comes to mind is, “I’m sorry,”
    Misunderstandings hurt too as does body language read because of it. Not being clear hurts.

    What is this book you are reading, Colleen. Is it a textbook or a novel? Sorry, I always ask. If I see someone with a book, a complete stranger, I try to zero in on the title of just ask. Forward maybe but usually a good conversation starts. 😀

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  5. Colleen, I think we all carry unspoken words …. inside us, unwritten words …. and misunderstood words, because we didn’t dare to take the full step. Our reasons all different. I love dreams – have plenty of them – love day dreaming …. but it’s not very often I share them, I keep them to myself like as treasures – some I leak … but they are not really that important to me.
    I say things just like they are .. most of the times, but I don’t like to be hurtful – if I don’t understand I ask for an explanation or in those days,Google is there, if I don’t understand. Wivi’s little helper. I have always been very verbal and I learned how to express myself in my letters to home, while living abroad before computers. I have never manage to write a short letter – I always wrote novels. Always have a story to tell …
    I think this with not asking … when we don’t really understand, comes from school when if we asked … we was looked at as we were stupid.
    I’m glad that you will not have any unspoken words … I love your words.
    Once I had 1450 all read books … the last 8 years I haven’t read one book, but I have learned my handle of words from all those books – and the books also took me to places that I later in life have been visiting.

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    • I agree we all have unspoken words. And I think choosing to not speak is a skill and an empowerment. Not saying something because you don’t want to hurt another. Or choosing not to say something because you don’t feel the words you speak are more important than someone else’s feelings. Wonderful reasons to not speak.

      I just think to all of the years I didn’t speak about specific things because of the shame and guilt I carried for things that had been done to me. When it wasn’t my shame and guilt to carry. And while I was reading this book it was so clear to me how not speaking about some things can change people’s lives. And not in good ways.

      I chuckle at “Wivi’s little helper”. 🙂

      I like your words, and the others. I like that people feel safe here and at other’s blog sites, to be honest and not always agree. Or to not see things exactly like the writer’s view. I’ve had my eyes opened to so much through blogs and comments.

      I’m glad we all come here to do this.

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  6. Colleen, thank you for sharing this post. It’s great that you are allow yourself to do these things now. Staying hidden, whether it be in life or in thoughts, is no way to live. This is something that I am still working on trying to overcome myself. This post is a great reminder.

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    • MeWhoIAm, thank you. Hiding is not a great way to live. Especially when in hiding you are keeping yourself from exploring and growing-when those are the very things you want to do. Of course I speak for myself about that. I’m glad if this helped in any way. 🙂

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  7. I enjoyed this text…I recall a woman telling me about her husband who had recently passed away ( a young woman) she began to sob and I said” don’t cry”…It taught me a painful lesson. I realize I was thinking of myself, her weeping made me uncomfortable when it may have done wonders for her. I could have said ” it’s ok, go ahead”. Hindsight, 20/20.
    Thank you Chatter.

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  8. Thank you for wise words. At my ripe old age, I’m recently finding my voice. It has been startling to me as well as those who never thought I had one. You prove it can he done.

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  9. I agree with you a lot, Colleen, of what we don’t say, keep inside – actually, CARRY inside. Great post, worthy subject. No, we need to SPEAK.

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  10. This is a truth, and a difficult one. I find it hard to speak at times as well. I try to remember I am not doing myself or others any favors…so now it is almost that I am always speaking. Guess I am trying to find a happy medium still. Great post and a great voice, Colleen. Thanks for sharing it. 🙂

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    • Thank you Niaaeryn. It wasn’t until I had children of my own that I realized, or dared to believe, that I had a voice. And I had things to say, things to ask.

      Good for you and your voice. Thank you for sharing it. 🙂

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  11. Such a good and thoughtful post that got me thinking about things said, not said, etc. So hard to know when to put something out there, because once it’s out there you can never take it back, and who knows the consequences before hand of one’s words? Not all that easy. I ponder this one a lot. Thanks, Colleen. 🙂

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    • Good points Paulette. I know there is a balance. And that there are times to not speak. I just hope those choosing to not speak (so to speak) are doing so out of strength and their own will, and not because of fear or intimidation.

      Heaven knows there are times when I wish I had NOT said something. But more are the cases in my own life, that I look back and wish I had learned or had the courage to speak sooner.

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  12. I don’t think a spirit can soar if if silenced. I know too many people who feel great pain that never subsides, and I believe much of it wold be relieved if they had the opportunity to freely express themselves and openly acknowledge areas of their lives they have hidden because it seemed no one cared. You actually speak quite eloquently, Colleen. I hope 2014 is a year in which you can fully flourish. Soar!

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    • Thank you Debra. It’s the pain and the loss that I reference here, for not speaking when one is too scared or feels a threat of speaking out.

      I believe, like you, that relief and care could be found for many.

      🙂 Thank you! How funny you tell me to soar and that’s what my Shadows did today! And it was scheduled to post days ago!!!! Coincidence? 🙂 Or great minds? 🙂

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  13. I just read a blog post about people with special needs. Those special people never leave things unspoken. They share their heart. I love them. This post makes me think of how we should be more giving. All they want is to be loved, cherished and accepted. I agree with you colleen, let’s live our lives in the light, be open and honest. Hugs.

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    • Thank you OG! 😉

      It was interesting while reading this book to “see” how lives were changed because of what wasn’t said. Or shared. And it made me wonder about my own existence, and those around me. I like how you say it. “let’s live our lives in the light”. 🙂 Hugs returned!

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      • Right before my noni passed away, I looked at her and said, “I need you to hear me” then told her about what she meant to me and how she changed my life. I told her all that before, but she deflected my comments humbly. That day, she heard me and accepted them. If I had kept my thoughts to myself, I would have that regret lingering over me.

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  14. I was very shy as a child and kept most things inside. I’ve really had to fight against leaving things unsaid, especially things that deserved to be voiced out loud. Writing was my outlet, more so than now. You are brave to want to make sure you speak of things that should be said.

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    • Writing as a child (I still have it ALL) was the only voice I trusted to use. Now I write to share for many different reasons. It took decades for me to be able to “speak” and it’s something I don’t ever want to lose. Thank you!

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      • Took me decades as well. I threw away ALL my childhood writing when I was in high school. It was surprisingly liberating to do so and I’ve never regretted it. I think it helped me move on and let it all go.

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        • Wow! I don’t have a reason to throw it away or keep it necessarily. I do hang on to it now because I thought some day my kids or grandkids would get a kick out of it. Some of it is pretty “deep”. But some of it is so funny for me to reread and see that teenage angst or uncertainty or love!!!!! Not to mention the horrible need for rhyming everything! 🙂

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