If I was to be very truthful with you, you would read some different things about me. More things than I’ve shared.
You would read about my crankiness. (Oh…it does exist. Sigh.)
My cussing. (Don’t tell my mom, she still thinks I don’t cuss.)
My judgmental moments. (I don’t think I did yet today!)
My holier-than-thou moments. (My apologies to heaven are no where near comprehensive enough).
My “I can’t believe I did that” moments. (You have no idea the stupid comments and questions that have come out of my mouth.)
Not to mention the “I doubt me” moments. My sad moments. And the occasional, though usually fleeting, despondent moments. (Picture Eeyore with a spiky hair cut that has a burst of silver in front. Head hanging low. Muttering sadly as he waddles around.)
My cranky, no good attitude moments. (I just yelled at my husband to please please please stop making those constant gutteral noises he makes while watching a movie.)
My grandiose, possibly delusional, moments. You really would be surprised at the places my brain takes me. (I can’t tell you how many times I’ve accepted my Academy Award. I don’t know what the award was for, but I won it. Such a true, true admission.)
Sometimes at the end of the day, or even in the midst of it, I want to sit down and write it all out. Word for crazy word of the emotional upheaval of life in this world. I’m sure if I looked back through my posts I could find some things written in anger, disgust or other not necessarily positive emotional state. And if so I have committed these things in written word to eternity.
And those things are okay to write about. Actually, they probably need written about, discussed and battered about even more. I believe I would rather resolve the worlds issues with words and communication than the resolutions that are employed by our governments. I just believe if we toss out and about problems to be resolved we should be part of the process of finding the solution. For the grander issues in life my common sense is far too grounded for the powers to be to grasp.
Back to topic.
When I breathe. When I pray. When I dream. When I contemplate. These moments when I purposefully focus. I focus on the bad, the needing fixed, the things that potentially bring me down. I think think think about these things. Of course they need thought about, processed, and addressed by myself.
I start to write. And I focus on sharing. What do I want to share with the world today? What?! I can’t make myself tell you all of my truths. And I have many truths. Different truths. Deep truths. I write and I write and I lose the ability or willingness to share all of the truths of my every day with you.
I choose what to share.
And in the process of choosing over all of these years I’ve discovered something.
People respond to …. genuine. To kindness. To respect shown to them.
I don’t choose to be dishonest. I choose to share what motivated me. Or helped me. Or made me chuckle. Or made me pensive.
Here’s today’s truth. I was reading comments today that were kind, uplifting, respectful – to me. And I thought, quietly, to myself – I hope I am not portraying myself in a dishonest manner. Why did my thoughts go there? I could give you a list. But it’s easier to just say ‘that’s how my head works’. My head played with the thoughts that I am not just what I share here. I am more. And sometimes, I am much less, than what I share.
And for no other reason than I thought it, I wanted to share it. That I do not share all of my truths here.
And if tomorrow I write some crazy, cuss filled rant about something I just can’t figure out until I write it all out. My apologies.
But if I did, I know I could count on what I have come to expect from people. Honest replies. Respectful replies. Helpful replies.
It seems, that what ever truths I put out there. I receive trust and your truths in return.