Though I get angry I don’t always understand anger. Especially someone else’s. I don’t get their ‘reasons’. I was discussing this with a friend of mine. A friend who happens to be a bonafide genius. So I will call her My Friend The Genius. MFTG (for short) said to me that she has “come to the conclusion most anger stems from fear”.
Being the genius that she is, I believe her. And looking back on my life I could readily apply that to many points in my life when I recognize that I lived more angry than I do now. It doesn’t take much exploration to discover….fear.
I was fearful, mostly, of embarrassment and failure.
It’s easier to pinpoint angry era’s of my life than it is to pinpoint specific events.
At some points in my life I was angry about what I didn’t have. But to dissect it all and be honest with myself. I was too scared to try new things. Or to go after what I wanted. Or to work hard for something I wanted (sigh…truth).
I learned about another theory about anger that opened my eyes… when I returned to school and took a class on Reality Therapy. In a nutshell it described our reactions and even feelings as choices. The fun times my children and husband had with this. I would go to school, then share this information at the dinner table. Any time I would exclaim a feeling of being angry, mad, have a headache, frustration, etc…. they would throw back at me with a little too much glee “you are choosing to feel that way!”
I also believe that anger is often a misused term. It’s often the word used instead of the correct label for the feeling at the moment, like ‘frustration’, or again ‘fear’. Or ‘loss’. Or ‘confused’. Or whatever else psychiatrists and smarter than me people have come up with.
And then there’s this.
Sometimes anger is just downright being angry. Damnit. And that’s all there is to it. And it’s usually someone else’s fault. And I’m okay with that.
By the way. Here is My Friend The Genius.