I Can Only Promise You This

Today I sat with you.   And your eyes filled to the very very edge.   And it hurt to look, it almost felt intrusive to look.  But I didn’t want to look away either.  If you are using every ounce of strength you possess to live with this pain I can be strong enough to look you in the eye-because I love you.  I will look at your pain.   I know I can’t lessen it.  I know I can’t feel it.  I know that there is nothing I can do to make a difference in the grief you carry.  But I won’t ignore it.  I won’t turn away from it.

I want you to know I honor your grief.  I respect it.  To be loved that much by someone is a gift.  And your loved one?  He knew he was that loved.  You didn’t have to lose him to realize how much he meant to you.  And he always knew it.  What a gift that is.   To know while you exist that you matter so very much to someone.

I love your love.

And as stupid as it sounds….I love your grief.   Your grief, to me, is your love continued.  How could anyone expect that to stop?   You don’t just stop loving someone because they’re gone.  You love them, unconditionally, where ever they are.  And if they aren’t here it’s called “grief”.  Whatever the world calls it, I know what it is when I see you.   It’s love.

I can’t do much for your pain.   Though I truly wish I could.   I can promise you something though.  You will never, ever, have to explain your grief to me.    I will never tell you to get past it, or deal with it or tell you in any way how you should live with your grief.   I promise you that as well.   I will always respect your love and your pain.  I promise you that if you tell me you are sad and having a very bad day, I will understand you are having a very bad day.   If you just need someone to be with you, who loves you enough to just sit with you and let you hurt, it is the very least I can do.  When you need to talk I will listen.   When you need to be angry I will be your emotional punching bag.  When you want to laugh I will laugh with you.  When you just want to sit and stare, I will leave you with your memories and thoughts.

Along with these promises I also have hope.  Hope that you trust me with your grief and your love.  Because I promise to never minimize either.  And I promise you I will value both.