You Made Me Feel Better

I don’t normally get a serious reaction when someone I don’t know passes away.  I may be saddened about the loss to family and friends but it seldom, if ever, felt personal.

It’s been less than an hour since I learned that Robin Williams has died.

And I am sad.  Personally sad.

I never met him.  But I shared a very personal memory with him.  He, of course, never even knew about this.  Many years ago I lay in a hospital bed.  I was a brand new mom.  My first baby only two months old.  I had just had the first surgery of my life.  I wasn’t with my baby.  I was alone in a hospital bed watching the news of impending war.  I was scared witless.  What in the world had I ever done by bringing a baby in to this world.  I was actually crying watching the news.  It could have been hormones, being separated from my baby, being alone, being scared.  Combination of all things.

I changed the channel and an awards show was on.  And he was there.  I started laughing through my tears.  And I felt all right.  It’s a silly-ish moment in the grand scheme of life.  But it was a very emotional one for me.  I adored him before.  But that night I loved him and have ever since.

I’m sure the stories will abound about him.   I have nothing grand or brilliant or astonishing to say.

I just loved him.  I loved him for not being perfect.  I loved him for making me laugh.  I loved him for making me cry when he surprised me with his drama skills.

I loved the familiarity of him in the world.  He didn’t seem all that different than me.  Or those around me.

My sympathies to his family and friends.   And to any one who he made laugh who is  just as saddened by his passing as I am.  I hope that where he is now he is feeling a tremendous amount of love and warmth.   And thanks.   You made me feel better Mr. Robin Williams.   I loved that about you.  I hope you are at peace.   I hope you feel the joy you spread and the sadness at your leaving.

RIP and God Speed to a world where laughing will increase ten fold because of your presence.  And where I hope you receive as much joy as what you created here.  It should come back to you.

I’m pretty sure your path from here is lined with the light of billions of laughs and well wishes for your eternal soul.

36 thoughts on “You Made Me Feel Better

  1. Hi Colleen, it’s been a while. But I had to pop in to say that your story about being a first time mom and laughing through tears is something I can relate to. As for Mr. Robin Williams, he’s a genius and will be missed. Thanks for sharing your memory with such vulnerability.


    • Hello Anka. I hope you are doing well.

      Isn’t it amazing that something like this can bring us together? He made us laugh together and now so many of us are sad together over his passing. Thank you for sharing with me.


  2. Oh My Goodness! I am shocked, I cannot believe this. They were just talking about making a new “Mrs. Doubtfire.”
    I am so incredibly saddened by this news, I was at the library and I leaned over to ask how it happened, my neighbor on the computer says it may have been accidental or suicide?! I am so sorry that someone who helped you through a rough time, died today. Take care and we will horribly miss him. He was outstanding in “Good Will Hunting” and “Punchline,” I think where he played a doctor who was also a clown? Maybe wrong title… Take care, Colleen! Hugs and kisses, Robin


      • You are correct, Colleen! I forgot but that movie about a real doctor who used a red clown nose to help ease people’s pain and suffering, that was “Patch Adams.” I talked to two of my friends (who suffer from depression) last night. They told me they were definitely affected by his possible suicide. I was worried about his death’s impact. One of them, my wise girlfriend said that she feels that depressed people are ‘wired’ differently and they sometimes just cannot bear living. It makes me sad to know this, but she had a lighter hearted comment, too. She said she will skip her meds, clean her bedroom and bathroom and ‘Feel’ the loss of Robin Williams today. Hugs, Robin


  3. I was shocked too, and had a similar reaction. This is one of the few times when a celebrity has passed that I felt gut-shot.
    He was a good man who will be missed by many. He made so many of us laugh, may he be at peace.


  4. Yes, very sad and personally I’m shocked. This may be selfish and inappropriate in the face of this, but your story reminds me of when I gave birth to my first and Sarah Jessica Parker was having her first at the same time. Because I grew up with her and identified with her, in a silly way, I felt like we were going through that together. Oh course, Ms. Parker is still alive and well but it just makes you think…


  5. Thank you for sharing your guiding light of soothing words on a very sad evening for people of our generation, Colleen. My dear wife Karen and I were talking about how we had lost one our our own tonight, a man who made us feel better just by being there in the movies and TV and knowing how to make us laugh. Sorry you felt the need to do what you did, Robin Williams. RIP. We miss you already.


    • I woke up sad this morning Mark. And honestly, a couple of times through the night when I woke up. I do hope he has peace, I can’t imagine the pain of those who loved him in person. And the pain he was suffering through.


  6. I see you have had your sad moments, Chatter Master… and indeed, you should have wonderful thoughts about him. And yes, I am sad.

    But as often as he made us laugh, I don’t feel the media (or the powerful entertainment industry) has the right to single out the passing of one of their own above others… The everyday Joe’s (or Jane’s) who take the same route as did Robin Williams. Their “celebrity-ness status” should be also cast equally upon the many vets who no longer could live with their own demons. The media should cast the spotlight on them more so…

    And I am sorry you feel the loss as much as you did.


  7. Colleen, Like you I never met the man, and like you he made me laugh myself to tears, and like you he made be cry when he was serious. I will miss him, his wit, his timing, and the joy he gave me. Just as you will. My dear you shared with us your beautiful words,I suspect where he is he will see them and smile down at you. Take care, Bill


  8. i’ve felt very sad about his death, too, as I presume anyone with an ounce of compassion or empathy would. He started making us laugh when he was still young, and so was I! The idea that he was in so much emotional pain is painful. Your personal story of how he lifted your spirits during a vulnerable period is very moving, Colleen. I am sure there must be thousands of people who felt very similarly. I think he is at peace, and now the prayers are for his poor grieving family. I think the outpouring of love for their husband/father/friend is a small token of comfort to them. ox


    • I hope the family feels it, I really do. For all of the laughing and smiles and joy he brought us, I hope the world can return it in some way to those who love him. Thank you Debra. I’m really knocked a little sideways by how powerfully this hit me. As I’m sure others are as well. I had read of his depression before, and that he sought treatment. It’s a huge loss, and eye opener, for all of us. I do hope there is peace in his heart now. He can rest.


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