Trust is a funny thing. That’s just a thought for the day.
I did something I seldom ever do. Today, I went by myself and had an afternoon of solitude.
It was amazing.
I took my backpack. My Clif Bar, my cold beverage of fizzy flavored water. My camera.
I went some place that promised color and darkness and straight lines and mazes. And part of the beauty of today was that every step I took further in to the darkness of hollows and caves and trees blocking the sunlight-I felt lighter. Better. I felt incredible.
I didn’t think about anything I left behind me in the world. And walked and meandered and traipsed back and forth where ever I wanted. I didn’t trip over anyone. I didn’t have to ask if anyone else minded. And I didn’t have to feel bad about not doing something I wanted to do because someone else didn’t. Sounds a bit ridiculous. But sometimes that alone is a huge burden, or hurt, or frustration. Sometimes it isn’t. But sometimes it is.
So I walked. And walked. I imagined life before our times now. I imagined living here myself! I imagined living in this environment felt like I could easily adjust to living here. Where dark is dark. Light is light. Things grow. The sounds are natural or the silence is the music.
I didn’t think about anything that I’ve been thinking about. Or worry about anything I’ve been worrying about. Seemed like unnecessary baggage to carry in.
I smelled the earth. Appreciated the blue when it snuck through the tree tops. I was a little jealous of the strength of the rocks. I didn’t want to leave. But I had to.
And when I got home I was amazed to find that the things I had not carried with me all day were still right there waiting for me. Remember when I said trust is a funny thing? I think when I left I trusted all was good with certain things, it wasn’t. When I was alone I trusted that the incredible feeling of being where I was would go with me when I went home. It didn’t.
Though I am still naive enough to be shocked when my trust is tested, or humiliated…. I still believe. I believe I will go back to recapture that feeling. And I believe one day I will learn more about trust.
But I wouldn’t trust that.
But I do trust my solitude.
No worries world. Life is good. Just playing with the word trust because something minor happened that shocked me. But didn’t shake me up. Don’t you sometimes still get a shock when you realize you can’t trust everything you think you can? 😉