As I Wind Down The Cussing

Sometimes I’m presented with an opportunity to help someone.

And I cuss.

Not always.

But sometimes.

Not always out loud.

But sometimes.

I cuss at the situations this world creates.

I cuss at how  it’s presented.

I cuss about the buck being passed.

Cuss at the always impeccable timing of being called five minutes before my quitting time.

Cuss at being told I was called so the caller could pass this on to me and go home.

Cuss at not having easy and always ready answers to all problems presented.

Then.

As I wind down the cussing.

And gear up the helping.

I step out of myself.

And in to someone else’s world.

I stand before a tiny little grey haired soul.

I look in to a life changed from youth and love and ability

To age and loss and loneliness.

I smile at the stories shared.

I laugh at the humor they still find in a world that has tried to discard them.

They’ve said “I love you” with enthusiasm.

And I’ve learned to say “thank you” with just as much zeal.

I’ve learned what it means to ‘make do’

From people who knew what ‘having nothing’ really meant.

I’ve seen grace

Staring back at me from faces framed with matted hair,

Robed in filthy clothes

And perfumed with the foulest odors.

I’ve learnt humility-

I’ve seen the truth of dignity-

And witnessed the depth of love.

And then I cuss at myself for cussing these opportunities.

41 thoughts on “As I Wind Down The Cussing

  1. I understand all of those emotions. You have reason to feel all of them for the reasons you stated. Humanity is much too often unkind. Humanity is much too often despicable. There are just too many of those type of humans and not enough of us. You, me, and others like us Colleen. We have to be a team and stick it out together and fight what appears to be a losing battle. We will win in the end. I believe that. I know you are not a huggy person but maybe a cyber hug is okay. ((Hug))

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    • There is darkness Russ. That’s why I hope my cussing doesn’t empower the darkness. It’s so frustrating sometimes. But when I see the faces of those who we respond to, or those who respond to us, it reminds me that how the opportunity is presented is not the point (and I need to deal with it!). Thank you Russ for such support. 🙂

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    • I like that Tess. We can cuss and still be grateful. It’s amazing how I get mad at what someone says to me, but when I go to do what I’m supposed to do (which is not the issue) I am in a complete state of calm and willingness to listen and see what I can do. It’s like when I step over the thresh hold in to someone’s home, or hear their voice over the phone, I step in to their world and the ‘other’ stuff is no longer the issue. At least not the issue that matters. 😉

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  2. I love how you described the elderly woman and how her life has changed. I’m going through that with my mother right now. Her mind is still sharp, but her body is having issues.

    Nancy

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  3. You are a peach, buddy, but the people who pass the buck to you at five minutes to quit-time so they can go home are still the pitts. And I’m gonna cuss ’em for both of us. #$&%H$D#!ers

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  4. I am so glad you find all those positive attributes of the ones who are filthy, matted hair and smell bad, since they certainly are ‘hard to love’ and you do, anyway. I admire you so much for seeing through and helping them keep their dignity. I would cuss at situations at my school job and at my nursing home job. Mostly about neglectful parents and lonely elderly people who have few visitors. They need to have someone cussing or fussing for them, Colleen!

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    • There are so many situations to cuss about Robin. There’s nothing easy about seeing people in sad and neglected states. Sadder still, there isn’t always an easy ‘fix’ to that. 😦 So the cussing goes on!

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  5. I had no idea you cussed, and honestly I do…a lot and trying to cut down as ever…in a way it makes me feel better as I think I swear like a sailor. Venting is good I think. I above all love that despite it all (the frustration and cussing) after the vent, your reserve of compassion and empathy is ever present, comforting and there. 🙂

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    • Thank you…the cussing is a venting. I prefer the cussing to health and stress issues that’s for sure. Sometimes…..the cussing doesn’t even start….but the head drops and shakes from side to side because no amount of cussing equals it….

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