I Lost It

I lost fifty dollars.  It bothers me that I lost fifty dollars.  I’m extremely fortunate that I can go to the bank or the ATM machine and get another fifty dollars out, and put it back in my pocket,  if I need to.  But still,  I lost it.  And I got mad at myself for losing it.  I feel like I was careless.  Fifty dollars still buys quite a few things.  And fifty dollars is too much to just be cavalier about losing.  Fifty dollars may not feel like enough when I want to give it to charity.  But it feels like way too much to just lose.  I’ve had days when fifty dollars was more than I had.  And the value isn’t always just in the dollar amount but the effort put in to earning it.

So to feel less like having lost it,  husband and I decided it went to someone who needed it.

We hope that to who ever found it – it was a God send.

Maybe they were struggling with paying bills or buying food.

Maybe the kids needed something and they didn’t know how they were going to come up with the extra money to get it.

Maybe they wanted to go see their sick or aging parents and didn’t have the gas money to do so.

Maybe they were sad because they never felt like they had extra cash to just carry in their pockets.

Maybe they were just having a bad day and found it and they did a fist pump in the air and it made them happy.

Maybe some child found it and a wise parent taught them about saving, or charity, or fun money.

Maybe some one found it, picked it up, asked someone else if it was theirs, no one claimed it, so they gave it to a food bank or homeless shelter.

Maybe someone who never does anything just for fun found it, saved it.   And that felt like fun to them.

Maybe someone found it, called their friends, and they all went out for some beers.  Being responsible of course.

Maybe someone found it and took their mom or Mamo or dad or Po out for dinner.

If anyone found it.  And it made someone happy.  Or relieved.  Or gave them a chance to be generous.  Or an opportunity to teach.  Or save.   I will feel like it was fifty dollars well spent.   And that’s better than feeling like I lost it.

Maybe it’s still out there waiting to be found.   Opportunity and chance still to be picked up.

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45 thoughts on “I Lost It

  1. Maybe. Maybe. Can only hope for the best. If I lost or misplaced $5.00, I’d be tearing everything apart. Fifty is a lot to lose. Thought it might have been found by someone needy, it would be a relief to find it. ❤ ❤

  2. My kids find money all the time. I used to find money a lot too. I think it’s a thing that younger people look down when they walk more than older ones. My son once found bills strewn all over the floor of a grocery store which amounted to $70 and my daughter just found a 50 on the floor near Christmas time. Would you like to pretend it’s yours? It made them happy. The good/bad thing about finding money is you can’t really ask people, hey did you lose a 50 dollar bill? Can you describe it?

    Anyway, sorry for your loss but it happens to all of us so I guess it’s just one of these things that keep the world in motion. Way to make the best out of a bad situation as always Colleen!

  3. Bummer. But, yes, hope that whoever found it that it was a Godsend.

  4. I’m sorry you lost your $50. That’s a bummer. It reminds me of a story my mother told me. When she was a young child, the US was experiencing the Great Depression. Her youngest brother was a baby. My grandmother needed milk for the baby. She only had a tiny bit of change to give to my mother to go to the store and buy some can milk. On the way to the store my mother found $1 bill. (Not much to us now but a great amount during the Great Depression). She ran home to my grandmother and they were both so happy that my mother had found this money. She was able to buy more milk for her little brother. I hope your $50 will be found by someone in dire need. 🙂

  5. lexiesnana says:

    Maybe you will find it when you aren’t looking anymore. I remember one day I opened my wallet and found 20dollars I thought I had spent.

    • I think I’ve finally (after two months!) forgiven myself for losing it. Having written this out really helped. Though we talked about it and I had been ‘okay’ with it. I still felt bad about the carelessness of it. I know someone picked it up by now and it was helpful or enjoyed.

  6. dogear6 says:

    How frustrating to lose the money, but it’s a long way from when we were young and something like that was catastrophic. As you pointed out, you can go get more cash and still pay the bills. That is a big blessing.

    Nancy

    • That is truly a blessing Nancy. I remember the days when I would have fretted for different reasons. This, hopefully, was meant to happen for the benefit of someone else that I didn’t know who needed it.

  7. Val Boyko says:

    So funny how we tell ourselves stories in order to make it easier to let go 🙂
    Bummer indeed!

  8. Kim13 says:

    Before I even got to the part where you decided to think of it as donated..I was going to say the same thing. Sometimes what we lose is God’s way of blessing someone we know nothing about…it’s all good.

    • Well said Kim13. It’s what I needed to get to. I was thinking it myself for a couple of days without having discussed it that way with my husband. One day he just said it out loud. It was like confirmation that is exactly what happened. Someone who needed it, I put it in their path. 🙂

  9. So one time… an ATM dispensed an extra twenty dollar bill. I thought about giving it back to the bank (which may have been the right thing to do) but instead, I gave it to the first person who appeared to be in need at a busy highway off-ramp. I didn’t lose it but it did end up where it belonged. In my humble opinion. The bank had other twenty’s to spare. 🙂

  10. Fifty dollars is a lot to lose. And that initial feeling you get is very uncomfortable. But I like the way you turned this around because by the time I finished reading your post I was feeling better, feeling good for you, because you found a way to ‘give’ that is lost to so many of us.

    I certainly wouldn’t have fifty dollars to spare but if, like you, I thought my fifty was out there doing good, working its way through people’s hands, finding a life of its own, just as you’ve described, I could go to bed feeling proud, why I’d almost be looking forward to the next fifty that was going to escape my clutches 😉

    Just imagine there might be a whole herd of them. Would we call them a herd? Or a flock, yes a flock of fifties sounds better… a flock of fifties out there with a will of their own, discovering the big wide world… it begs a story being written about them… I just might do that.

    Have a great day!

  11. Gibber says:

    I’ll hope with you.

  12. markbialczak says:

    Sorry about your loss, Colleen. Happy about your good attitude, buddy. I think it’s going to show up in your shoe. But if not, somebody who really needs it found it and let out one great, big whoop. And the next time you or one of yours really needs it, you’ll look down, there will be your payback. And your big whoop.

    • Each part of that statement would make me happy. Especially if the “one of’ mine who needs it finds it. 🙂 Thanks for the sympathy buddy. Isn’t it sad, even at my age, that such things can get us down?

  13. April says:

    I like how you went through the progression of changing the way you thought about losing the money. Good job!

    • Thanks April. I thought before I wrote this that I was ‘okay’ with it. But after I wrote I realized I really was. It was really the carelessness that had started to bother me. Now, I feel something better came of it. 🙂

  14. I remember finding a $20 at a time when it made a huge difference to me Colleen. So once, years later, when I lost a $20, I imagined the same as you, in fact I prayed that someone who really needed it would find it. 🙂
    Diana xo

  15. Reblogged this on When Life Walks On Bare Soles… and commented:
    It started with a post by Chatter Master called I Lost It.

    That lost fifty dollar note was picked up by a woman at the bus stop on her way to the Casino.

    She’d sold her home after a bitter divorce and job loss. She bought a new car, traveled overseas, had a holiday or two. But in the throes of her depression she’d made a mistake: she was now in debt. Now her car was her home.

    She slotted that first lost fifty dollar note into a machine which rang out, you knew it, a loss.

    Inside that machine it was dark, there was a whole lot of muffled noise, but the fifty dollar note contemplated its purpose.

    It wasn’t long before it found itself squeezed through another slot. Bright lights and loud ringing noises blurred its senses. It was squeezed into a wallet with another fifty, shoved into a back pocket.

    Within hours both fifties were pulled out and stuffed into another person’s hand. They were laid comfortably into a little drawer and just before the cash register was pushed closed the fifty saw the person who rescued it from the Casino. He was walking out the door with a small heater tucked under his arm. His wife and children were on the footpath waiting for him. It was cold and they snuggled together before walking up the street toward their tiny apartment.

    The two fifty dollar notes were soon joined by three more of their kind. There were five of them now and they were happy, comfortable. The temperature was perfect inside the drawer, the lighting just right and they had each other. They discussed their purpose and contemplated their future.

    They were pulled from the drawer that afternoon, shoved into a bag, taken to a bank, sorted with many other fifties, put inside a large safe. There was a great party. The many others explained that this was where they truly belonged. They could rest, they were treated with respect and professionalism. Sure they’d have to go to work again, face some hard times, but before long they would returned to the bank, to their home.

    Our first fifty looked around. There has to be more to life than this. I felt better when I was in the hands of the woman who found me. Sure she put me into the Casino hoping she would have more of me, but she was kind and I felt I had a purpose in her hands. She needed me just as the man who used me to buy heating for his family needed me. I want to go back to them.

    That won’t work, the others said. Most people don’t know to use us properly. We’re far better to stay in the system. Don’t make waves.

    And so the Fifty accepted his lot in life and did his duty as a good, tax-paying fifty dollar note.
    But he could never forget the need he had felt in that woman’s hands, the pain in her eyes, the desperate longing to be loved and understood and how he could never fill that need.

    On lonely nights inside cash registers or trouser pockets he often contemplated the difference between need and want and how so many people who needed didn’t actually have what so many who only wanted had. And most of them didn’t know that it was love they needed even more than money.

  16. Some of these thoughts run through my head whenever I lose money.

  17. reocochran says:

    I make up stories like these to help me feel better instead of wishing I could have had a steak dinner, or some other way to make myself feel worse.
    I loved your list, hoping you find it for your own sake, but if you don’t I am totally sure someone had a great time, someone who may not have had enough for the fun they had… Colleen, you have such interesting and varied posts!

    • When I think of the money lost, I wish I could recall all of the times I had found money. THey may not have been often but there have been a few. And if it wasn’t ‘found’ money, it was moments of grace when someone appeared in my life with something I needed. All the same thing.

      And thank you Robin. 🙂

  18. Jim McKeever says:

    What goes around, comes around — I bet you will “find” some sort of non-monetary reward soon that will more than cover that $50.

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