Let Me Define My Femininity

I realized at some point very early on in my life that I wanted to be physically strong.  I did not enjoy being considered weaker than my brothers, or boys, or anyone.  And I didn’t want to be considered physically weak because I was a girl.

So I decided I would not be.

So I wasn’t.

It never occurred to me that being physically strong was not feminine.  Until others pointed it out to me.  It was pointed out, frequently, along my journey.

I decided I would live my point, to them.

I am feminine.

I am feminine as a female warrior, mother, provider, protector, nurturer, lover, weight lifter,  care giver, ditch digger, nursing, diaper changing, log splitting, brick breaking, lullaby singing, punching, kicking, sweating, life enjoying, cussing, stubborn, argumentative, gentle as whispers, don’t mess with this momma, cry at commercials, arm wrestling, mountain climber, hammer swinger, woman.   Who, by the way, has fears.

My strength does not diminish my femininity.

My femininity is enhanced by my strength.

Girls, my advice if I may be so bold as to share it, is be as strong as you want to be.  It’s every bit as much of being feminine as you want it to be.

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69 thoughts on “Let Me Define My Femininity

  1. Bravo! Bravo. And that’s the t.r.u.t.h. Girls need to hear this message. It’s never too early to show them they don’t need to be weak to be feminine; they don’t need to pretend they’re not as smart or smarter than anyone. Anyone. ❤

    • 🙂 Truth!!!! I used to have people tell me to act like a girl, be more like a girl, “you’re suppose to be a girl”. I would get sad because I didn’t know what I was doing that was making me “not” be like a girl. All’s well that ends well though. I defined femininity for myself. And it includes strength. And how I see myself. 🙂 Thank you Tess.

  2. This is very true. Strength!!

  3. mewhoami says:

    Yes! Embrace your strength. I’ve always been of the same mind set. Never wanted to be seen as weak just for being a girl. Plus, I never wanted to have to depend on a man to get things done for me, when I could just as easily do them myself.

    • Amen MeWhoAmI. I never quite understood why I should be “weak” or “not strong” because I was a girl. I still cannot process that. And I refused to go there even at a young age. Here’s to being strong, in every way we can be.

  4. Honestly, Colleen, I have never put much in physical strength… never was very strong, never really cared…although it is a nice trait. But what i notice is that women can be so strong mentally and emotionally, so much stronger than men, and I think that’s a lot of what this blog is about.

  5. Victo Dolore says:

    Well said! Being feminine is whatever we want to make it.

  6. Gibber says:

    Bring it you ass kicking female warrior!

  7. swo8 says:

    When I was very young I took up ballet. Funny thing was that my legs became very strong. I actually was stronger than my brother. Not a problem.
    Leslie

  8. dogear6 says:

    My daughter and I were just talking about that last weekend. Her husband has made several comments to her about being more feminine. I said then why did he marry you if he wanted arm candy? She said no, he married her because she’s in the sciences (like him) and intellectual. But he thinks she should fix herself up a little more and not be such a tomboy. I told her that her Dad said the same thing to me. The trick is to fix myself up to look nice for him without worrying about being a girly girl. It’ll be interesting to see how she handles it. Especially when she’s wrangling a 120 pound mastiff!

    Nancy

    • Hmmmmm. I guess it’s up to what she wants to do. If my husband wanted me to be dressy for something that was important to him, for an occasion that called for it, I would probably do that obligatory kind of thing. I think….. But now, if he suddenly told me he wished I would start being more of a girly girl…..I would freak out a little bit. I mean, it’s not like I dress like a 1940’s train hobo or something. I’m a pretty plain dresser. I don’t know what I would do….

  9. amommasview says:

    Yes! I love this! Well said!

  10. It’s a strange thing to me how we still continue to label women. Men aren’t nearly as narrowly defined. I think the only way for the definitions to change is for we women to change them. Good start on that, Colleen!

  11. pepe says:

    love this..thanks for sharing….

  12. Agreed! Love this Colleen. ❤
    I come from generations of physically strong women. My daughter is strong too. We're awesome. 😀
    Diana xo

  13. inmycorner says:

    I’ve had to do a lot of re-thinking in terms of what it means to be feminine. Physical weakness has never been something to which I have aspired as a strong woman. You were hanging out with the wrong kinds of people, Colleen, when they told you, being physically strong was not feminine.”

    • Well, sadly, I don’t know that they thought it was the wrong thing to say. Some of it was generational. Some of it was people really thought girls working out to be physically strong was dangerous. Seriously had people worried about that. But yeah, the hurtful ones were the ones who told me I didn’t act like a girl because I wanted to be strong. That kind of thing. I can’t think of a person in my life, now, who has ever said that to me though. If that tells you anything. 🙂

  14. cindy says:

    Your declaration is so much nicer than “I am woman hear me roar”…… Geez that kind of dates me, doesn’t it! Nice job my strong feminine friend!

  15. cattyela says:

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts! Keep it up!

  16. viveka says:

    Colleen, I think femininity is the strenght we women has … in more than one way. Love your thoughts. I have heard so many times that men likes strong women … but when they meet one, they can’t handle us. Because we are too much of a woman. Mr Brown is one lucky man. *smile Happy Day and Life to you both.

  17. Elisa says:

    who decided what feminine was to begin with, where did the word originate, rolling my eyes

  18. I completely agree and even at my ripe older age, I still lift weights 3x/week. And, I love being outside and doing physical work when I can if my body doesn’t protest, lol. Such a good post. Happy Valentine’s Day to you and your hubby. ❤

  19. markbialczak says:

    And may I add it is extremely attractive, too, MDB Colleen, all of those traits in a woman.

  20. tric says:

    Have very little girly bones in my body, but I still feel very much a woman, and definitely strong. I also, if I do say so myself, have never lacked male friends and at times admirers over many years.

    • I’ve not had any problems with friends either Tric. It’s amazing who believes ‘girls’ are not strong, or meant to be strong. My children never heard that from me. Quite the contrary.

  21. April says:

    Funny how some stereotypes continue to perpetuate. The days of fainting on the settee are long gone. Same goes for boys don’t cry.

  22. I can’t keep track of how often I tell my girls they can be anyone they want to without being defined. That is definitely a generational labeling. I grew up hearing about what a tom boy I was and how my cousin was more feminine, soft and just girly. It wasn’t mean. Just people observing. I cared back then. I don’t anymore. I am girly, I am feminine, I am strong, I am able, I run, I am a mother and I will fight to be who I want to be.
    Love your post and who you are Colleen.

    • Thank you MediatingMummy! I appreciate your wonderful comments and feedback. Here’s to a new generation of empowered girls and boys who will continue to makes strides in growing up strong and confident and compassionate.

  23. Mustang.Koji says:

    Remind me to be nice to you when you stop by!

  24. niaaeryn says:

    Huzzah! Xena warrior princess was my favorite back in the day for that reason…and Wonder Woman and She-Ra. Women can be both. Well said! 🙂

  25. niaaeryn says:

    That and the Ancient Celts and Spartans were of the same mind. 🙂

  26. […] The Chatter Blog Great post about strength of a woman. Something every girl should know… […]

  27. lbeth1950 says:

    Thank God for women like you!

  28. […] Let Me Define My Femininity […]

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