My Friend Just Came Out…

And I’m very sad.

Sad for him.  Sad for us.

Not because he’s gay.

But that he is the age he is and is just starting his life ‘free’.

I’m sad that for all of the hours we had sat and talked about so many different things, we never talked about that/this.

I’m sad that the world wouldn’t accept him.

I’m sad that he felt confined.  His physical existence imprisoning his thoughts, emotions and feelings.   He kept them walled in.   To protect himself.  And possibly others.   The only place he could exist safely was within his mind.  That doesn’t just make me sad, it breaks my heart.

I’m sad that he felt who he was, was wrong.

I’m sad that as close as we were at one time we missed the chance to help each other.   Him to teach me and me to let him know that who he was – was perfect for me.

I’m sad that there was/is/was (?) a belief that this is a “life style choice”.   I know I did not choose to be heterosexual.  I just am.  If I had a choice, I know I would not choose to be gay.  I know it’s silly to think I could make that choice.  I wouldn’t be able to pull it off.  Because it is not natural to me.  So I’m sad that people can’t/couldn’t accept that there is no choosing.   For everyone who think’s it’s a choice, let them try to contemplate being something they are not, and how to make that work for them.

I’m sad that a good man felt he wasn’t ‘right’.

I’m sad that he feels because he made choices to protect others and try to be ‘right’ he caused pain to the very people he did not want to hurt.

I’m sad that he had to live a lie and deny who he is.

I’m sad that something so innocent is seen as something so bad to so many.

I’m sad about all of the pain.

But-

He’s not sad.

He’s free.

And for that, I am very grateful.

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18 thoughts on “My Friend Just Came Out…

  1. reocochran says:

    I ran up to an old friend of mine tiday, hugging her and asking how her partner was. Colleen, she started to get tears in her eyes, I thought, “Oh no! I hope Jessica ‘ love of her life is okay.” My face must have shown the direction my mind was going. She said, “Don’t worry, Robin! We got married finally!” She had her now wife covered under a same sex partner insurance plan at her work. She had had a ring tattoo engraved for years. It was her joy that brought those tears, long overdue for those 2 women who had raised 5 children in a lifetime of 20 years together. Yes! Freedom to express love for one another just cannot be “wrong” and it is wiring and a matter of the heart, Colleen. ♡

  2. russtowne says:

    I’m glad he has such a friend as you, Colleen. He’ll now have the painful opportunity to find out who his true friends are. May he be surprised in some positive ways.

  3. Paul says:

    That is well said Colleen. You are a rare caring and empathetic soul. Just recently I have come to realize that most humans truly are empathetic – they can feel what others are feeling. I also realized that for most empathy is a weak force =- it does not engage action. I see that you are one of the rare ones Colleen for whom empathy is a driving force -you act on the feelings of others – truly a rare and special characteristic.

    That said, my Mum is lesbian. She is a retired professional who was an academic in the later part of her life – an especially welcoming environment for LGBT. She also lives in Vancouver, Canada’s equivalent to San Fran for the acceptance and socialization of LGBT. Even with all those positives on her side, her public persona spent a great deal of time fighting an up hill battle against discrimination.

    That sounds very negative, however, in private she feels very free and comfortable with no regrets. She gets to choose who she befriends and how she expresses herself without any thought of pretenses. That is what awaits your friend Colleen – he has made a momentous step towards self-awareness and it will bring him a great deal of peace in his life as well as centering his focus. And it will bring new challenges that may very well require a good friend like yourself.

  4. ksbeth says:

    i’m so glad it happened for your friend at last, so sad it had to be hidden for so long. i’m hopeful future generations won’t have to live in fear of who they are.

  5. He truly is fortunate to have a friend like you! It is sad that he (and others) feel/felt the need to hide their true selves. I agree, it is not a lifestyle choice.

  6. Jim McKeever says:

    Well said, Colleen … I just hope at some point this becomes a non-issue. But I’m afraid that’s a long way off, especially in some countries where it’s a death sentence. The more love and support — or at the very least, acceptance by those who have a problem with anyone who might be “different” — the better.

  7. Right, well it’s funny because at first I was thinking ‘you can’t be sad for what was, you have to be happy for what is’ but as I kept reading, I couldn’t help but sympathize with the thoughts you had. It did have a happy ending though!

  8. Bless are those who have friends who accept them unconditionally. And your hearts gives that blessing to so many, Colleen. ❤

  9. Heartafire says:

    Thankfully we are turning a corner in our society and acceptance of lifestyles is moving forward rapidly. I feel that very soon and already a new day is coming where we can live the life that we are meant to Thank you for this moving text

  10. Gibber says:

    I’m sad that so many make it their mission to judge. 😦

  11. niaaeryn says:

    That is is a lot…I am glad he finally told you though. You have to be one of the most compassionate people I know, but I could appreciate it is still a difficult step regardless.
    It is certainly not a choice, agreed. In time I think we will see that line of thinking fade from society. I hope he gets to enjoy the freedom for some time to come. Glad he is free now. That is a heavy prospect to live without the freedom to be one’s own true self.

  12. Bless you, Colleen. I wish you friend the freedom to live a full and happy life now. Too bad so much of it had been wasted. ❤ ❤ ❤

  13. markbialczak says:

    I’m glad his sadness has ended at last, MBC. I’m glad the world is moving toward acceptance enough, inch by inch, that he at last felt comfortable to come out. I’m glad that I find more and more people who accept others as they are, not according to an archaic belief template of conformity. Thanks for sharing how sad we can still be about the past views and silence and reluctance and how far our society still has to go.

  14. So much emotion in this post.
    It most certainly is NOT a choice. It’s just unfortunate that this is not understood. Then there’s the agony and frustration of trying to explain it. People fear what they don’t understand. It’s up to those brave enough to take on the challenge of teaching them (that is if they are willing to truly listen).

    Great story. Glad he is finally free.

  15. NotAPunkRocker says:

    I am glad he is finally out and happy. I am thrilled whenever i hear about someone coming out, regardless of their age. I just wish, even with the changes going on today, others were able to still do so sooner to friends and family.

    • I’m so sad when I see anyone, for any reason, not being able to exist comfortably with ‘how’ or ‘who’ they are. My father told me of a doctor once, who did all that was expected of him to become a doctor. And he excelled. But he was not happy. It wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted to be an artist. And when he could finally address that IN RETIREMENT he began to feel contentment.

  16. Debra says:

    I, too, am sad that your friend lived with secrecy and probably shame because of the secrecy while on a long journey to find freedom. He certainly isn’t alone in that struggle. I hope that he has found a deep contentment in who he is and that he continues to find acceptance in such good friends as you have provided him, Colleen.

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