No Promises Here

There is a powerful hush in our world.  The peacefulness of the hush is heavy and difficult to stand under, without the fear of buckling.

Thoughts are somber.

And though the world seems hushed and quiet, the clamoring in our thoughts and the pounding of our hearts is nearly more than we can tolerate.

A man in our world has died.  Suddenly, without warning.  Without chances to say good bye.   Without anyone expecting it.  We have no promises here.  Yet we have expectations.  We feel entitled to a certain normalcy in our world.   We expect birth, growth, maturity and a life of production.  Production meaning a good life lived, working hard, taking care of your own and helping out others.  And the reward is, we age, we grow towards death.   And we expect to die when we get there.  Then we die with age.  And only then.

We don’t expect death to come and get us.

This is our expectation.  This is our normal.

But this has never been a promise given.

And it’s never been a promise kept.

But the shock remains.

Because we have never experienced…..each new death.   Each new loss.   Each new broken expectation.  Every loss is an unknown and un-lived loss.

We have never lost him before.

My father lost his parents during my life time.   I watched his suffering.  But my suffering was different, my suffering  was for my grandparents.     I did not know his suffering as he knew it.   When my father died, my pain was something I had never known before.   And though it was known to millions upon millions before me….I  had no experience with it.  And I was not prepared for.  I will not suffer that loss again.   But I will suffer that loss forever.   Time will not make it easier.  It will make it more real.   And time, it will give me a chance to become stronger with it.

As with all who die.  This death is unique.   We have not known the loss of this person before.  The way he lived was like no other.  Those who knew him, those who loved him, those whom he loved….that pattern will not be identically replicated.   Ever.

With this death, with his loss, the questions will be asked.   Again.   And again.

Why?   Why?  Why?

What can we do?

How can we help?

These questions, with no answers.

Everyone wants to help.  But no one knows how.

We all have our own beliefs.  And my beliefs comfort only me.   But I do believe.  I believe that though we don’t have a promise given here.  We have a promise given.   But it’s not until we fulfill our journey here.   With my father’s death  I believe that the man who walked amongst us is now carried about within us.   Where he was in our lives he is now within the fabric of our life and our love.   I believe that there are parts of us strengthened by those who love us, and by no choice of theirs, have to leave us.

When my father was alive I could talk to him by phone, I could go see him.   Now, I can speak to him at any time, in any place.   And I know he hears me.  I believe that the space he filled when he was here was left empty upon his death.   But that space, it was filled, immediately.   The love and support of people who poured their concern, their tears, and their prayers in to us helped fill the physical space he left.

Though we enter this world with no promise.   I believe we can live our lives with promise.   A promise of living life with dignity, and respect to others.  A promise to love and allow love.

Within the hush of today I hear the sound of his life lived well.  I hear loudly of  the love he gave, and the love he accepted.  And I believe in the promise he now has.

 

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20 thoughts on “No Promises Here

  1. This is beautiful Colleen and is a wonderful tribute to your father. I believe he was a wonderful man, wonderful father, and wonderful person and you were fortunate to have him as long as you did.

  2. My father’s passing, it has changed me forever Colleen. I miss him so much. Hugs to you my friend. ❤
    Diana xo

  3. This is an inspiring message for anyone dealing with loss. Thank you Colleen!

  4. ksbeth says:

    this is a beautiful tribute to your father, who was clearly loved. your post contains many thoughts that apply to anyone who has suffered the loss of a loved one. beautiful –

  5. Well said. A pain that must be endured. I hope your many friends give you comfort.

  6. duncanr says:

    beautiful post – your thoughts and words will strike a chord with others who have lost loved ones!

  7. niaaeryn says:

    Very profound and reminds me of my grandparents’ passings. I did not know how my father or mother felt as it is different for us, they lost parents I lost grandparents. It is different. I have no idea how it will be when it is their time, and I just do not think on it for now.
    We are never promised a tomorrow but I agree, we carry them with us even after they are gone.
    Sounds like the man who passed was a good man. :hugs:

    • Thank you Niaaeryn. The man who this was initially written for was indeed a good man. The man who I brought it ‘forward’ for, also a good and loved man. In the past two weeks I’ve thought and said so many times….we’ve never lost this person, in this way, and it’s never something we are ready for.

  8. Oh Colleen, You know I can relate. Your father sounds like an extraordinary man. Sending you hugs.
    My favorite memory of my father is when he would laugh; he had the driest sense of humor. I will always remember his wit. In my world the only constant is this cycle we’re in; a beginning and an end. No tomorrows, just today. If I make today worthwhile, I will do tomorrow when I get to it. My dad lived like that, I hope I do it as well as he did.

    • What a wonderful way to honor your dad, through his humor and his principles of living. I hope I honor my father with the same kind of respect for how he lived, that you show your father.

      And I bet your father thinks you’re doing just fine!

  9. Heartafire says:

    Amazing and moving writing Colleen. I hate death and especially those who suffer pain in passing. I know there is reason for death but it begs the question of the meaning of life. Wonderful article friend

    • Thank you Heart. It’s been a painful couple of months. Some deaths …. we can never quite grasp. Even though we all know what’s coming. Some of them never ever make sense. Thank you again.

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