I know when you read this, you’ll know it’s you I’m talking to.
I told you today when I said goodbye, that you are the epitome of grace in faith. And you said you didn’t feel like it.
There is no way I can, in any way, know what you’re going through. I don’t know what your private thoughts are. I don’t know what your feelings are when you’re feeling them. If you’re sad I have a general concept of ‘sad’ and how it feels to me. But I don’t know how ‘sad’ feels to you. The same for any other emotion. I know the feeling of that emotion for me. That does not, however, translate into knowing your feelings.
All I know is what I see. What I observe. What I take in and process.
And I see you. Moving among others. Moving with others. Moving for others. Moving, because not moving is not an option right now.
I know not everyone shares your faith. Again, even people who have faith, don’t always feel it the same way. I share your faith and though we may act differently within this faith I can only understand it from my perception.
I wondered, after I left, if your comment “I don’t feel like it” was in reference to other feelings you may be having. Do you have doubts? Do you have anger? Frustration? Fear? I wondered if your comment came from exhaustion. Or not understanding. Or thoughts and feelings that I can’t begin to know. All of these things that may have been part of your comment don’t detract, to me, what I see and feel from being there. Faith is not diminished because of doubts, anger, frustration or fear. Faith gets us through our doubts, anger, frustration and fear.
That comment did not alter my observation or feelings. I know from watching you that I was observing faith in action. Like I’ve never seen it before.
Something kept you standing.
Something kept you moving.
Something kept you thinking.
Something is keeping you.
I watched. I listened. I felt.
Something is there with you. I felt a sense of repose being near you. And near you, is where I felt best. I can’t explain it. Which is kind of, part of, faith. Without knowing, we know. Without seeing, we believe. Without proof, we know truth.
You were not alone. In more than the obvious way. In a larger than we can grasp and comprehend way.
Maybe when you aren’t sure …. that’s when your faith steps up and stands in for you.
And holds you up.