I Begin To Disappear

When anger consumes me

I begin to disappear

And I cannot recognize myself.

anger

Sometimes

All I can do

Is walk away from the anger.Walk Away

Sometimes

Resolution is not mine to have.

And

Because I value a calm heart

A peaceful existence

And others

Over my anger-

I choose to walk away.

But then again

Sometimes

I stay pissed.

😉

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54 thoughts on “I Begin To Disappear

  1. Ann Koplow says:

    I can’t stay pissed when I visit your blog, Colleen! I hope your posts never disappear.

  2. Me too! I’m bad about holding grudges but I have only myself to blame.

  3. I almost always cannot stay pissed for long. I am always reaching for a resolution to the conflict. Great post!

  4. ksbeth says:

    walk away and be pissed if you have to, but walk away always –

  5. Heartafire says:

    Holding in anger is not good for us…punching pillows is helpful! Great post. 😀

  6. Indeed. ((( ❤ ))) I always walk away because I'm not thinking straight and need to cool off. ❤

    • I don’t get nasty when I get angry. Because I have this innate trait of not wanting to hurt others. But, some things are just never resolvable. So I end up tearing up my insides because I can’t resolve them. Try as I might. I just can’t.

  7. Paul says:

    Wheeee! Nothing like a good shot of righteous indignation. Ha! yeah, I usually walk away too Colleen. I was watching an interview of the Dalai Lama and the interviewer asked him how he managed to never get angry and he replied that he sometimes got very angry but settled it before he expressed it. For us mortals walking away seems as good an answer. But every now and then (rarely) it happens that that all the ducks are on a row and I am so incensed that the anger roars out of me in a focused blast. I have learned it keep it tightly focused on one specific issue or action and to attack only the one directly responsible and to leave it open ended so they can back off or apologize. I had a colleague and team member who was passive aggressive and would sometimes get drunk and teleconference on team meetings. We had taken her aside and asked her to not do that but she persisted. We had not yet elevated it to the boss but the time was getting closer. Then one day she was teleconferencing on a meeting and she started attacking the views of one of our quietest and most soft spoken members who wouldn’t say shit if he had a mouthful. She was being loud and ignorant and outside of any rules and agreed behavior for disagreeing. And she was personal calling him useless and so on. I told her to shut up she was out of line – I was the team lead on that project. Then she asked what right i had and told me to keep my mouth shut while she was talking. I LOST it and I stood (anger is so much better when standing-even though she was teleconferencing)and went on attack – i told her we were all fed up with her drinking and her passive aggressive attacks and lack of input and that as team lead I was using my authority to take this situation to our superiors as soon as this call was done.

    Sigh. She was stunned as were the other team members. I kept my promise and elevated it along with inappropriate e-mails she had sent when drunk and a record of our attempts to get her to become a contributing member. I knew she had other issues and the drinking was a symptom and i asked that she get assistance for substance abuse. And that she was no longer welcome on the team as long as I was the lead, until she got help. The bosses assigned a officer to check it out and she interviewed the other team members and came to the conclusion that I had understated the problem and then confronted the errant team member. The team member refused to admit she had a problem and refused to take help for the problem and was terminated. I always felt bad for that, although I could never figure out how I could have handled it more effectively.

    Anyway, Colleen, I too usually walk away when angry but sometimes the appropriate thing is to let it out in a controlled and focused manner but with all the emotional vehemence and volume you like. 😀

    • That’s a heck of a story Paul. It sounds like her issues were being inflicted on everyone else. And like you, I feel sorry for the outcome. But how much of other’s anger and abuse does one have to take? It sounds like options were given to her, and she, unfortunately, took options that gave her results that were not pleasant. Sometimes, our anger can be a propelling factor into resolution. Sometimes, not. It’s knowing the difference that might be the tricky part.

      Thank you for sharing this. It illustrates this well.

  8. I will chew on the anger for awhile, then spit it out. It wears you down holding on to it. Unleashing the dragon occasionally is healthy I think.

    • Great comment MW51. I can relate to this well. I like that, ‘chew’ on it then spit it out. That’s best. It’s those very few things in life I can’t break down by chewing…that like you say….;where us down.

      Thank you!

  9. Same here. Happy Easter my friend. 🙂

  10. Anger is no stranger to me Colleen. I don’t like being angry, well sometimes I do…

    passionate people are quick to anger and I wouldn’t trade passion to not get angry. ❤
    Diana xo

  11. Mustang.Koji says:

    Does tiny mean the same as disappear? 😉

  12. Psychic Nest says:

    Positive or negative, emotions is what make us unique as human beings. There is no perfect “recipe” to make anger disappear but there are small steps that can be followed daily to work on that. None is perfect but that is the beauty! Thank you!

    Zaria

    • Thank you Zaria. I wouldn’t be able to follow the recipe any way. 😉 I do like steps though, and work on that. I can control my anger. Sometimes it’s an anger that just settles upon us….that we can’t do anything about, that we (I) need to walk away from. Fortunately I don’t “blow up” with anger.

      I don’t think I do…..

  13. jmgoyder says:

    This is a keeper!

  14. russtowne says:

    I love the first there lines. They describe how I feel at such times.

  15. russtowne says:

    I especially love the first three lines. They describe how I feel at such times.

  16. niaaeryn says:

    Sometimes it is hard to not stay pissed. But that you can walk away is a good thing. It is hard to do.

    • I’ll never forget the first time I literally walked away from anger and said “I can’t live being angry”. It was a powerful and life changing moment. Even though I didn’t know it at the time.

  17. reocochran says:

    I enjoyed how you shared your anger. I assume it is justified. I admire those who speak out or rant. Expressing anger out loud helps relieve pressure, I don’t trust happy people who never lose their temper, to be honest. I don’t yell but I do complain and try to not backstab but confront those who offend me, Colleen. 🙂

    • Me and anger are good friends. I would rather be an acquaintance only. 😉 I find it easier to be truthful and let it go. I try to speak when I feel I should, I feel guilty if I don’t.

      🙂 Thank you for understanding me Robin.

  18. I love the illustration of walking away from the anger!!

  19. It would be like unleashing the kraken with me for I have a very strong sense of fair and just. 🙂 I very rarely unleash it because I have learned to walk away, use the mind to find my peace and resolve it, before I speak my truth. Sometimes people aren’t ready to resolve and I move on. I always move on, it gives me a sense of well-being.

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