That Spouse

Where he knows how to push

Every single button

With key words


And innuendo

Until you snap

And everyone thinks you are that spouse.

 Couples Language

Because they don’t know or understand

Your couple’s language.

It’s a foreign language to them.

But oh so familiar to you.

And yes

It works the same way

With inside and private jokes.


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38 thoughts on “That Spouse

  1. They don’t get that phrase ‘we’re like an old married couple’ from no where!


  2. You miss it when it’s gone.


  3. He looks like a cool Jazz man. Is he yours? 🙂


  4. Ocean Bream says:

    Awww, this is sweet. (well, when it doesn’t drive you nuts, that is! :P)


  5. Paul says:

    Ummm, OK. I was going to lambaste him but then I read the four commenters before me and all four were positive. May be that’s why I suck at relationships – not abusive enough. O_o
    I am always amazed by the fact that we manage to communicate when we often have very different understandings of the meanings of the words we use and the situations we encounter. In a relationship, we develop our own shared meanings of many words or phrases and accepted interpretation of events. That shared language is a reminder of the closeness of the relationship – but can be used in a passive/aggressive way to insult and demean without anyone else even noticing. To me that use of a shared understanding is evil. It hides the abuse from public scrutiny – and any process designed to deliberately demean others while hiding the fact that it is occurring is wrong.


    • Paul says:

      Ahhh, I found it! if you are a Star Trek fan (Kirk) you will remember the second movie – Wrath of Khan – considered by most to be the best Star Trek film ever produced. In it, Khan uses precisely the same strategy as your post addresses (inside info used to damage or destroy those who trust) when he blows the daylights out of the Enterprise by pretending to be a Federation starship. As lieutenant Saavik so astutely points out – General Order 12 should be followed at all times. Oh, also note that the attacking ship is called Reliant – as we are on the good will of those we trust. And in the end, as Kirk proves, he who trusts may get the shit kicked out of them, but they will triumph.


      • I will watch this after work Paul. I like your last statement. I have had the shit kicked out of me. 😉 And plan to continue trusting. DISCLAIMER: husband is not abusive or controlling in any way. He’s a very good guy. Which is why I get to develop such posts-meant with humor. 😀


    • 🙂 Paul, you make me laugh. Happily so. I’m glad you have my back!

      Exactly, about the communication. It is shared. It is developed and part of the intimacy of a relationship. We both know it, understand it, and use it. The only true frustrating part is when HIS language sets me off, and no one else HEARS (or sees) it, and they wonder why I react the way I do. Fortunately he/we aren’t using it to demean or hurt the other. It’s those little idiosyncrasies that we add and use that add meaning to a communication exchange. It’s not even ‘him’ and what is being exchanged. But the reaction of others who don’t understand the full exchange.

      Ah. The complexities of life. I have no right to complain. Which I’m not….I’m just pointing it out. 😉


  6. Aishwarya says:

    Oh I so identify with this! I snap at my partner too and after all these years he still manages to annoy me just as much! And that’s probably what keeps us together…him annoying me to indicate everything is normal and me snapping at him to let him know I was listening! 🙂


  7. Aren’t those called “love bites?” LOL! Cute post!!


  8. GP Cox says:

    Good poem, Colleen, but I have one of THOSE spouses…..


  9. jmgoyder says:

    Hey Colleen – I have hit a bit of a low so am behind with reading posts. Yours are always so fantastic! Julie xxx


  10. bikebrown says:

    I heartily endorse and approve of this post.


  11. Made me laugh cause it’s so true. And boy when we’re into it sometimes it sure ain’t all that funny. I’m still laughing. Thanks pal!


    • 😉 You’re welcome. I’m so glad it resonated with you Paulette. You’re right. It’s so not funny at all sometimes, until we look backwards. Husband and I got quite a few chuckles, again today, talking about this.


  12. mewhoami says:

    Oh those buttons! We all have them and our spouse (and us) knows how to push them. That’s the one thing though that I love about having been married for so long – we know which buttons to push and therefore we know how to avoid pushing them. Those inside jokes are funny though. I’m generally very reserved and quiet around most people I know, so many times when I ‘let myself out’ in public, our inside jokes are perceived as me being mean or harsh and I instantly become THAT spouse.


  13. A post after my own heart Colleen. My girlfriend and I constantly wonder what it is we do that makes us look like “that hot mess” and how our husbands come up smelling like roses. I am “that” wife and mother, the one with order, rules and dry humor 😉
    Fortunately we do laugh about it, I have the space to be mildly irritated by it and because he is so good humored, I often let it go with a joke in my head when he becomes a little too popular among the masses.


    • I’m so glad MM this is resonating with so many people. My friend and I often talk about the communication between spouses and how we always end up looking so bad while they appear so ….. innocent. 😉 Fortunately we do laugh about it. And know when and how to stop it when it starts. But holy moly!!! 😉


  14. Val Boyko says:

    Its annoying to find I’m living with the aspects of myself I haven’t embraced and loved 🐥


  15. reocochran says:

    I had a unique ex-husband who would say unkind things under his breath to me, Colleen. I would yell or get upset and for 13 years, my kids thought it was all my fault! Once we were split up and (none of them are his children) I explained some of the odd things he told me. One example was when I would leave a gathering or soccer match to use the bathroom he said that the people were making fun of my clothes or imitating my sunshine-y tone of voice. All of his inner demons cane out and most of the time I was asking, “Did they really say that?” But years into the marriage I would ask, “Why do you say these lies?”
    I know this is NOT what happens with happily married couples. Your husband makes it a game which is fun or funny! 🙂


    • I’m sorry you had that happen Robin. :/

      My husband is fabulous. We learned long ago what we do and don’t do that annoy one another. Being aware and honest about these things helps us avoid them and/or make a joke out of them. 🙂


  16. This is sooo perfect!


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