If I go about my day.

And randomly stop.

And try to imagine that 49 people right next to me would be shot and killed.

I cannot imagine it.

My brain won’t allow me to look at my family, friends, coworkers-and imagine something so ……unimaginable.

If I go about my day.

And randomly stop.

And try to imagine the impact of the 49 people standing closest to me have on this world.

I cannot imagine it.  The ripples?  How far reaching do all of these lives reach.   How many people think of them, depend on them, laugh with them, cry with them, pray with them, eat meals with them, make plans for life with them.  How many life moments exist that I have no way of even trying to encapsulate….

My brain isn’t capable of accepting that these ripples……just stop.

If I go about my day.

And randomly stop.

And try to imagine the birth of the 49 people standing closest to me.

I can picture the beginning.  The excitement of life.  49 beginnings.   Love brought them into this world.  Love created them.  49 little babies.   Loved and nurtured by their world.  I can see so many different stories standing there in 49 different shapes.

If I go about my day.

And randomly stop.

I will find myself, sadly, counting the number of people around me.

Thinking of 49.

47 thoughts on “49

  1. It truly is unimaginable, Colleen! It’s one of those time that you think, “Surely, this couldn’t happen to me.” But the sad truth is, it surely can! 49 beautiful lives were taken for a reason that will never make sense to me nor will I allow it to. The ripple effect of this unspeakable crime is incredibly huge.


  2. Brilliant post Colleen !!! I too am going about my day with random pauses that remind me of the loss, the unbearable thought of losing someone I love!!! I shudder with fear as I imagine it can happen to anyone, including myself! Will I ever be able to gather the courage to live freely?!


  3. It really is unimaginable. It’s important to spend some time thinking about lives lost, no matter how terrible. I can’t imagine NOT being affected, but it does me good to come here and have you acknowledge the victims. I’ve been surprised that other than what I hear on the radio or see on television, people aren’t talking about it. Painful events aren’t always easily discussed. I appreciate you, Colleen.


  4. Mothers, Fathers, Daughters, Sons, Grandmothers, Grandfathers, Granddaughters, Grandsons, Sisters, Brothers, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins, Inlays, Friends, Neighbors – all gone. Now those of us left just keep arguing about whether or not the average citizen needs to be able to buy the same weapons used by our military. And, the debate goes on while nothing changes. Good post as I pray for peace here in the US.


  5. Great post! As I was praying for the 49 and the 53 and the many more touched by this tragedy, I received a message from a former student of mine (who calls me Mom). He said, “I went to high school with a murderer.” For the first time in my life, I had no words.


    • You’re welcome. It’s too much for me to even comprehend, truthfully. I can’t grasp the concept of destroying people because I don’t “like” them or “agree” with them.

      Thank you for sharing your feelings.

      Liked by 1 person

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