Facing My Ghost

Unexpectedly, I found myself sitting across from the ghost of my childhood.

I can’t tell you the times I have thought, and rethought, how I imagined it would feel to be able to go back and tell that little version of me  “it’s not your fault” or “you are not to blame”.

Or most importantly,

“You are not what someone else did to you.”

I can’t begin to tell you the times I’ve imagined that conversation.  Or convinced myself that I have done that, had that talk, by making all of the strides I’ve made in my life since that child first felt fear.

None of those imaginings could compare to the reality I lived recently.

When I sat across from a child.  A child who voiced the things I never could.

And I said.

“It’s not your fault”.

“You are not to blame”.

And most importantly.

“You are not what someone else did to you.”

That child looked back at me.

And I saw

The ghost of me

Smile.

And softly say

Thank you for setting me free.

 

 

Across From Myself

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46 thoughts on “Facing My Ghost

  1. I’ved faced my demons and its not easy. I love the gentle message you gave us. Free.. Thank you.

  2. tric says:

    When I look back I remember the tough,stand away from me, angry, isolated, lonely but very strong girl who battled her way through a life no one could see. And now I’m free I’m so proud of that girl I once was.
    Thanks for the reminder.
    I’ll celebrate both of our freedoms today.

    • Yay to both of us Tric. I really connected with “lonely but very strong girl who battled her way through a life on one could see”. I hope we celebrate every day Tric.

  3. ksbeth says:

    this is so powerful, colleen. i am glad you stood up and did for yourself as an adult and were able to do what you were powerless to do as a child.

  4. You were lucky to have this experience. It goes a very long way to healing. Sometimes, we just need to have that kind of compassion for others before we feel the same for our former self. That child, a blessing. 💘

  5. Awww, this gave me goosebumps!

  6. inmycorner says:

    Oh, wow, Colleen. How powerful. You are amazing. If only you had been there for you – when you were little.

  7. markbialczak says:

    This is beautiful, MBC. Absolutely.

  8. goldenbrodie says:

    Colleen, you got me again. I get you. If I looked in the mirror now I might see that little girl with freckles and pig-tails who I should have loved more. Your drawing is giving the continued hope and out reach that I live by. Brilliant, Colleen.

  9. Wow, Colleen. I’m so happy you help that child in such a gentle way. ❤ ❤ ❤

  10. Wow, gave me chills to read this. Very powerful. ❤

  11. Ache. What a gift, for you to live and for us to witness in your telling.

  12. russtowne says:

    After experiencing your post, I sat in silence, taking it in, and appreciating it.

  13. Oh my God. Beautiful post. I had a moment in church recently. This conversation with a former self sums up the experience. Really powerful post.

  14. mewhoami says:

    That is exactly what we should do with our experiences – use them to help others. We shouldn’t allow our experiences to pull us down. Instead, we should use them to lift others up.

  15. A powerful message, not only to yourself, but to us all. Thank you.

  16. lbeth1950 says:

    I wish you peace.

  17. Debra says:

    This carries quite a punch, Colleen. You’ve captured a very powerful emotional journey.

  18. DarkLover says:

    This is all to real for many of us. It is such a relief to see someone write so beautifully on the matters that lay within those dark corners in our minds. Beautifully written.

  19. just2letters says:

    This is so true! We have to forgive and let go of our unwanted experiences 😊 thanks for this helpful message Chatter Master! Keep spreading your positivity!😘

  20. Wow! Thank you for sharing! This is me as well! I saw myself in my 5 year old and knew that I never could have never deserved such abuse or been sexy at 5 years of age!

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